Relief
My wife, her girlfriend, Smudgelet and I had gone to the beach for the day. Smudgelet and I had built a rather nice sand castle and she, being only 2, had gone to sleep under the beach umbrella with the dog. I had stretched out myself and closed my eyes, half listening to the girls yatter. When I opened my eyes a few minutes later, Smudgelet had disappeared. Frantically loooking around, I spotted her about 50 meters away heading for the lake. My heart seemed to stop. I don't think I ever ran the 50 so fast in my life. Scooping her up, I trotted back to the blanket to find Mrs Smudge and the GF still deep in conversation, totally oblivious to what had just happened. I was so relieved that I just sat on the blanket, panting and clutching Smudgelet, and couldn't even muster a coherent response when Mrs Smudge, finally noticing my state, asked "Why are you breathing so hard?".
(Smudge the Demon, Sat 22 Dec 2012, 15:09, 23 replies)

So your story is "my wife is a lesbian and a terrible parent"?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sat 22 Dec 2012, 15:14, closed)

Seeing that picture of you made me think of
tinyurl.com/crk3dwo

I can't be the first to have noticed
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sat 22 Dec 2012, 15:24, closed)

No.
I think his story is "my wife caught me breathless and frantic with a small child and I made up some story about the child wandering off to cover my tracks".
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 22 Dec 2012, 16:04, closed)

Always check the fingers. Golden rule.

( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Sat 22 Dec 2012, 16:35, closed)

Well, at least he still has one.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sat 22 Dec 2012, 23:30, closed)

Definitely. Not. Upset.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 23 Dec 2012, 11:14, closed)

Why don't all you horrid trolls fuck off back to /talk?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sun 23 Dec 2012, 16:39, closed)

You leave the dog looking after your 2 year old daughter?
I hope it eats her
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 22 Dec 2012, 18:24, closed)

Hello new person.
I hope your missus lets you join in the fun sometimes.
Welcome to b3ta - what's above is the welcome wagon, hope you enjoy it.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 22 Dec 2012, 19:39, closed)

No, that was perfectly reasonably pointing out flaws in his parenting skills.
Maybe if he proves himself to be a whining, vapid prick he might get treated to the welcome wagon.
( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Sat 22 Dec 2012, 22:44, closed)

Never know, if he sticks around and ends up constantly criticizing other posters
despite rarely posting anything other than in-jokes and bad puns or he enjoys getting off on belittling anyone & everyone for simply sharing a story let alone commenting on someone elses - he could be leading the next welcome wagon.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 23 Dec 2012, 0:27, closed)

If you don't like the website or its regulars then why stick around?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 23 Dec 2012, 7:52, closed)

Ha ha, I just read that as 'wah wah wah wah wah'

( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Sun 23 Dec 2012, 8:37, closed)

Should've studied harder at school then lol

( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Sun 23 Dec 2012, 11:15, closed)

Quarter past eleven.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 23 Dec 2012, 11:16, closed)

'lol', yeah, good one

( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Sun 23 Dec 2012, 17:27, closed)

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 23 Dec 2012, 11:14, closed)

The waaahmbulance gambit
Well played
( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Sun 23 Dec 2012, 11:16, closed)

I can't remember, are you another of these 'wade in just to get upset on the internet' types?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 23 Dec 2012, 11:20, closed)

I guess we all look the same?
Thank fuck it's not like you tho.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 23 Dec 2012, 12:19, closed)

I may have a larger than average chin, but at least there's only the one, eh?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 23 Dec 2012, 13:47, closed)

'no self-awareness' was the other week.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sun 23 Dec 2012, 16:45, closed)

Welcome Wagon
Good stuff - bring it on! If I can't laugh at myself I shouldn't be anywhere near this site. I've enjoyed it for several years and finally decided to join. Nice to know there are other people out there with a sick and twisted sense of humour.
(Smudge the Demon, Tue 1 Jan 2013, 5:02, closed)