Parrot
A bloke used to occasionally come into the pub with a parrot on his shoulder. He'd have a pint and get it a glass of water, which it would happily peck away at.

We were all used to this, and since he was a fairly taciturn chap, we just ignored the parrot.

One day, a non-regular walked in and took an interest:

'Can your parrot talk?'
'What would you like him to say?'
'I dunno. How about "Who's a pretty boy then"?'

Parrot Man returned a withering look:

'And why the fuck would he say that?'
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 14:24, 6 replies)

Hahahaha your stories are cracking this week!

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 14:49, closed)

Cheers
I like this question.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 14:53, closed)

I think
it unfairly favors people who know fellas with parrots in pubs.
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Thu 21 Apr 2011, 15:12, closed)

He was an odd man
but it was quite an odd pub. One of the regulars was an alcoholic lorry driver who'd converted to drinking rose because he calculated it was better value than the beer. He managed to do a deal with the pub to sell us some cut-price crisps to sell behind the bar, then it turned out he'd nicked them off the back of a lorry. He did a runner, and last we heard he was living in a caravan in Staffordshire.

There was also the chap we barred, who used to come in about once a week to check if he was still barred. Thing was, even if he got a new member of bar staff who didn't know that he was barred, he'd make a point of it: 'No - I think you better check with the landlady. I'm fairly sure I'm barred.'

Eventually, we decided to just unbar him, because it wasn't worth the trouble. He promptly pushed one of the regulars off a bar stool and then grabbed the barmaid's hands over the bar, and wouldn't let go.

I think he took a perverse pride in being barred from everywhere in town.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 15:15, closed)

All parrots
should be taught to say "Help! I've been turned into a parrot!"
(Falco, Fri 22 Apr 2011, 20:17, closed)

^ nice!
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Sat 23 Apr 2011, 23:55, closed)