I was at a flat party the last weekend...
...and Falstaffette was on the sofa with her legs wrapped round another girl. After a short while sitting in what can only be described as the 'scissoring' position, one of them shoved a bottle down between their legs to keep it safe while pouring a drink. Then another one. Then they started rubbing on these bottles and winking at each other, and then full on masturbating in front of the whole room. No insertion, just bottles on clothed crotches. Both of them have clit hood piercings, which apparently means they can come at the drop of an Irn Bru bottle.

Bloody faux-lesbian showoffs. This blatant display of gratuitous lewdness convinced me that the magic was completely and utterly gone...oh no, wait, I meant to say the precise opposite. I love Falstaffette.
Unfortunately, a combination on various parties' parts of brewer's droop and vomiting meant that said voyeurism was the only action I got that night.

And in all seriousness, I am worried that living in different cities is kind of slipping us apart a little bit. Even with the best of intentions, I think any sort of of long distance relationship puts more than just literal distance between people. I need to get back to Glasgow ASAP before it's too late. It may have been awesome to watch, but at the same time it was kind of sad, because having such brilliant times - the entire party was fantastic - just reminds me harder how crap it is living in a different city most of the time and only seeing her every two weeks or so.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 21:01, 16 replies)

And in all seriousness
I should get out more.... I'd love to be at a Bloody faux-lesbian showoffs party....

Why was this bad?
( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 21:41, closed)

This happened...
... on the bonnet of a Honda Accord, right?
(hairybuddha, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 21:45, closed)

No, it happened on lots of vodka and that accursed cough medicine known as Jaegermeister.
There was a price, too. I had to play tonsil-tennis with a man at her urging. Thank God for not remembering it happened.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 21:55, closed)

Stop right there buddy
You didn't need to tell us that....oh, and whereabouts are these sordid sex raves held in Glasgow? I'm in Glasgow and my parties never get anymore exciting than a good game of darts.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 22:04, closed)

You know that Tesco on Argyle St? It was right next to that.
You should get some accursed cough medicine on the go, it's one of those drinks that make people do bad things.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 22:46, closed)

Surely not the Hidden Lane?
I've seen that get pretty sordid, even during the day.
(gordonjcp, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 23:11, closed)

Nah just a flat party at some mate's.
What is this Hidden Lane? I know it not.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 23:31, closed)

You don't remember it happened? You can however recall it in order to post on the internets? You're twisting my melon man. I grew up in Glasgow, why did this never happen on my Accord?
(hairybuddha, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 22:36, closed)

I was informed, subsequently.
With great - arguably, excessive - glee.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 22:41, closed)

Don't
drink so much. Homo.
(lemonadegame, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 23:41, closed)

Homo? Me?
Nonononono. I like breasts.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 0:18, closed)

A homo-snog for witnessing a sapphic frottage orgasm isn't too bad a rate of exchange.
(johnson, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 22:10, closed)

you get your ass back there double time...

what u in a different city for anyways??
(wankymcwankwank Eels, tobacconists, hovercraft and bouncy bouncy., Fri 22 Oct 2010, 8:55, closed)

Witness Protection Programme.

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 9:22, closed)

ever seen face-off?? Hop to it.
(wankymcwankwank Eels, tobacconists, hovercraft and bouncy bouncy., Fri 22 Oct 2010, 9:44, closed)

I'm not cutting off my face for a man I met on the internet.

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 10:47, closed)