A hoary tale of ad-libs and low blood pressure.
My primary school didn't have the budget for proper songbooks, so we were limited to songs the teachers knew and had sheet music for. The words were shown on an overhead projector, when it wasn't broken.

The songs they knew turned out to be a very eclectic mix from hymns ancient and modern, to 60s pop hits, to folk songs and what I later found out were sea shanties.

One of them was about plants and fruits growing in a garden (and it did seem to be purely about gardening; if there was any religious subtext it was very subtle.) It had an upbeat, jazzy chorus which we really enjoyed singing. So much so that we routinely added hi-hat sounds and vocal interjections:

      The apples are ripe (tch-TCH!)
      The plums are red (tch-TCH!)
      Broad beans are sleeping in a blankety bed (Woo!)

This continued until one assembly when the deputy head gave us a solid 10-minute bollocking about our ad-libbed sound effects, saying that it undermined authority or some other bab like that. Looking back, it was all a bit daft and petty. I think he'd racked his brains to find a weighty subject to talk about that week and had drawn a blank.

And in any case, despite the lecture we still carried on doing it afterwards. So much for his authority.

Later assemblies were not as interesting, as my only memory of them was getting terrible pins and needles from being sat on the floor, feeling entirely numb from the knees down for a few minutes afterwards, and thinking "well, that was a complete waste of time".
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 14 Jun 2013, 19:51, 16 replies)

I remember that song. We used to do it at the harvest festival, right after the obligatory bollocking for bringing in tins of expired vegetables.
(The Ghost of Stephen Foster, Sat 15 Jun 2013, 8:05, closed)

I can't imagine how tediously boring the other assemblies must have been if this execrable dross is the stand-out episode. "Dull child does drum noise during recital of popular song, is mildly rebuked."

Fascinating stuff.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sun 16 Jun 2013, 10:09, closed)

Comedy gold.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 16 Jun 2013, 12:45, closed)

( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sun 16 Jun 2013, 14:17, closed)

tl;dr but it looks like you're having an aspie fit there, Mainspring

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 16 Jun 2013, 14:50, closed)

I'm not sure that being an unremittingly dull BGNer who once made high-hat noises with his mouth really qualifies you to dispense psychiatric evaluations.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sun 16 Jun 2013, 15:04, closed)

tl;dr, again
summary please
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 16 Jun 2013, 15:20, closed)

It's only 25 words. I'm sure you'll be able to struggle through if you get your phonics wheel from your book bag.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sun 16 Jun 2013, 16:12, closed)

25 words, when you could have got the same message across with three.
I'm trying to help you write concisely, Mainspring.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 16 Jun 2013, 16:19, closed)

You realise you've just mashed out 278 words to say you once made a noise like a drum, right? Your idea of being concise is - against all possible odds - even further from the mark than your idea of being funny.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sun 16 Jun 2013, 16:23, closed)

You need to work on your reading comprehension too.
In particular, the difference between singular and plural nouns.

HTH xxx
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 16 Jun 2013, 16:28, closed)

Ah, the old 'you're getting angry at the internet' gambit. That's so lol.

EDIT: Two ninja edits later, and your post is still a case study in witless, droning tedium. Well done you.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sun 16 Jun 2013, 16:32, closed)

lol
keep your delusions to yourself, lad
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 16 Jun 2013, 16:36, closed)

Some effort you've been to there, greyboy - must have given your copy of Usbourne's "My First Thesaurus" a right hammering. You even typed it all up in b3ta before copy/pasting it into Tuxpaint, or whatever crap you use. Were you up all night?
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 18 Jun 2013, 9:18, closed)

must... have... the last... word...
you're a comedy goldmine, lad - don't ever change
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 19 Jun 2013, 23:33, closed)

Originality is a completely alien concept to you, isn't it? You've already tried the 'having the last word by suggesting that the other person is desperate to have the last word' gambit, and you seem to mention "comedy gold" every third post or so. Not that you're remotely capable of assessing such a thing - 'Knock Knock' jokes and Patrick Kielty are both "comedy gold" when compared to you.

Good job demonstrating that you've not been furiously editing your posts in a flailing attempt to retrospectively crowbar in some rudimentary form of wit. The effort is, perhaps, a little undermined by the fact that both of the 'edit' links in your picture are purple.

tl;dr, being as you seem to have difficulties processing more than a handful of words in a row: you're a bit dull and repetitive.

How are your peas?
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 9:15, closed)