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This is a question School Assemblies

Our school assemblies were often presided over by the local vicar, who once warned us of the dreadful dangers of mixing with "Rods and Mockers". One of the cool teachers laughed. Tell us about mad headteachers and assemblies gone wrong.

Inspired by the mighty @Rhodri on Twitter

(, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 12:43)
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No Sh!t, Einstein!
Like Dr. Skagra, it was school assemblies which made me into a confirmed atheist.

By the time I'd reached the 5th year in our BSC (Bog Standard Comprehensive), there were too many pupils for us all to congregate in the Top Gym+Music Room for morning assembly. So, the top two streams of the Fifth were instead herded into two history classrooms in the bottom block which were made into one by hauling back the partition between them. Whilst the headmaster ('The Gaffer') presided over the Main Event at the other end of the school, we were forced to submit to the Gardening teacher (inevitably nick-named 'Bayleaf'). There were no hymns as I recall (there was scarcely room for all of us in there, let alone a piano).

The trouble was that Bayleaf combined great long-windedness with a religious zeal totally absent from The Gaffer (who usually used assemblies as a method of humiliating boys who had, for example, been caught pissing in the wash-basin in the top bog ("I was desperate!", moaned the boy, seemingly ignorant of the inconvenient fact of a large, fsck-you trough urinal just two feet away)). This led Bayleaf to get carried away a bit.

I don't remember the context now, but one morning Bayleaf remarked, "And, of course, as Einstein pointed out, you can travel between the Sun and the Earth eight times in a second..."

Those of us doing O-level Physics gave each other meaningful looks and tried to stifle our derision for the remaining ten minutes of the assembly. It was at that point that I fully realised for the first time that religion is not only bullshit, but is a primary cause of bullshitting in others. A salutory lesson.
(, Sat 15 Jun 2013, 21:50, closed)
No shexclamationmarkt?

(, Sat 15 Jun 2013, 23:07, closed)
I don't this this is going to give the Pope any sleepless nights.

(, Sat 15 Jun 2013, 23:42, closed)
Pretty sure that a gardening teacher being ignorant of physics is proof of the non-existence of Abraham's God.

(, Sun 16 Jun 2013, 15:10, closed)

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