Clumsy twunt.
Hand on hotplate: As a wee toddler, a family member was holding me up so I could see the brightly glowing spiral cooking elements of the electric stove as Gran cooked dinner. I reached out and placed my hand on the lovely red-orange thing. Cue: mucho tears and a hand drenched in metho. No scars, thankfully.

Tree climbing as a lad: I climbed a huge eucalypt in the back yard of my home with a less than bright mate who suggested we should jump out of it, from about ten metre up. He did it, rolled and grinned like a Cheshire Cat. I did it and managed to land on a piece of reo (metal reinforcing rod for slab concrete construction) that was hidden in the right thick patch of ferns he had just safely landed on. It went into my quad a few inches. There is still a big divot in my leg from that one...

Horizontally slicing Turkish bread for Turkish toast for breakfast, as a trendy fool in the late nineties: Wasn't paying attention to what I was doing. Took the tip of a finger off. Cue: Turkish bread with fresh claret on the kitchen bench.

Pissed as a parrot: Had dinner in a trendy eatery in Balmain just before closing time after a lengthy session in a nearby pub. They closed the gates to the terrace house in which the restaurant was located so that no new clients would come in. I didn't notice the side gateway to get out, so climbed over the cast iron gate with fleur-de-lis spearheads, delicately avoiding snagging my boy bits while climbing over the top, but putting my foot down with my complete body-weight on the next layer down. Cue: Popping sound as the fleur-de-lis went through the sole of my footwear, and a boot full of blood resulted. I still have the scar from that one on my right foot and recall sloshing my way down the street to my good mate's home and leaving a trail of blood as I went.

Working hard: The chief engineer called me to the production area to assist on a technical issue. He was getting some really odd test results from a production part and he couldn't work out why. I sat at the analysis system desk and observed the reports and graphs. Deep in thought, I got up to walk across to where he was working so we could discuss parameter changes. The control pendant (i.e. BIG stainless stainless steel box housing the control interface for the machine) was in my way. Head down, walking briskly and deeply pensive, and considering how to instruct him to work around the problem, I smacked into a corner of it head first, splitting my scalp open. Three stitches later...

I'm slightly more cautious these days.
(EffinNitWit asks his tobacco where his whisky is, Sat 30 Nov 2013, 12:33, 11 replies)

Come back Brob Bellhelm all is forgiven.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Sat 30 Nov 2013, 12:51, closed)

I did similar.
I had "TOH" embossed in my swollen hand for a couple of weeks.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Sat 30 Nov 2013, 14:23, closed)

at least you've never tried to answer the iron

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 30 Nov 2013, 14:34, closed)

What the fuck is it with you Ausfailians and inappropriately abbreviating words then putting an 'o' on the end?
It makes you sound like twee retards.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sat 30 Nov 2013, 15:21, closed)

Abbreviating means he has less typing to do.
Having to explain what it means because the abbreviation is meaningless to anyone reading it means he has to type more than he would have done if he hadn't shortened it in the first place.
As for the 'o' on the end IHGTFFIM. (I haven't got the fucken faintest idea mateo.)
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 30 Nov 2013, 18:23, closed)

We think it's funny when you poncy Poms
get all upset about it.

'Spose you'll be needing to head home for some stress leave now since I've just been so mean to you.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Sat 30 Nov 2013, 20:50, closed)

Please don't reply to my posts if you have me on ignore.
You've been told to stop doing this by the mods.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 1 Dec 2013, 7:59, closed)

Ok then.
Since you felt it was ok to break the rules by quoting my real name I've got no problems "adapting" the rules to suit me now and then.

Holier than thou much?
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Sun 1 Dec 2013, 22:59, closed)

Needs more mock Aussie slang

(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Sun 1 Dec 2013, 0:36, closed)

Neo mo mo Auso slanga.
(SlantedScience, Sun 1 Dec 2013, 19:26, closed)

Good work.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 1 Dec 2013, 21:21, closed)