"It was a sporting injury. That's cool, right?"

One Monday morning, I turned up at work sporting a natty pair of crutches. Not surprisingly, people in the office noticed this, and naturally wanted to know what had happened. "Oh, sporting injury," I replied casually. Clearly implying that if you play as hard as I do, the odd fractured pelvis was just one of those things.

Annoyingly, they wouldn't leave it at that. There was, I have to admit, some skepticism. Not that I might have injured myself playing sports, but that I was playing sports in the first place. They demanded to know exactly what sport, and precisely how it had led to major bodily trauma.

Eventually, I had to admit that it had been roller-blading. At my 6-year-old daughter's Roller-Disco birthday party.

Nothing says "World's Greatest Dad" quite like leaving the child's birthday party in an ambulance. All the while having to smile, as if there was absolutely no searing agony whatsoever, so as not to upset the tinies.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 2 Dec 2013, 16:55, 8 replies)

Taken ill with distended stomach,
from eating too much Thomas The Tank Engine cake?
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 2 Dec 2013, 17:06, closed)

he clearly says a girl of six. Therefore, I am sure the cake was something like the Jeff Stryker
12 inch Battenberg.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 2 Dec 2013, 17:23, closed)

I just googled Jeff Stryker at work...
...so, well played, you abject bastard.
(I think this counts as a self inflicted injury)
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 2 Dec 2013, 17:26, closed)

Is it something gay by any chance?

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 2 Dec 2013, 18:21, closed)

The gayest!

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 2 Dec 2013, 18:21, closed)

He was in X-Men

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 2 Dec 2013, 21:08, closed)

You'd have to eat a lot of cake to cause your pelvis to break

... but I'm trying as hard as I can.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 11:06, closed)

Looks like that rack of lamb you ate
shattered your spine in 3 places...
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 15:46, closed)