b3ta.com board
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Question of the Week » Sex Toys » Post 1623887 | Search
This is a question Sex Toys

Lanternchikk asks "How about a vibrant and stimulating discussion on sex toys?" What do you use to get off, and has it ever gone wrong? And yes, we've heard that urban myth, thank you.

(, Thu 17 May 2012, 12:33)
Pages: Popular, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

« Go Back

Old Faithful
My parents came to visit me in the USA a few years ago for a few weeks. They were in their late 70’s. A couple of days after they had left, I get a phone call from my mother. After all the usual chit-chat and pleasantries, she confesses that she’s left something behind that she needs. Yes, she’d left behind Old Faithful, and old-style no-frills type of unit that she’d had for ages. And my dad had forgotten his little blue pills as well. Trying very hard not to piss myself laughing, I say that I’d post them back. I located the articles in question, and rather than touch them I use the inverted plastic bag trick utilized by many a pet owner cleaning up after their animal. But now, I have to now work out what goes on the customs declaration form. I decided to stay simple. Sex toy and Viagra. Value? Sentimental. I tried not to think of it too much after that. Other than to tell my brothers that is.
Okay, so the following year, they are back over. The 3 weeks go past relatively smoothly until the last night. They’ve packed up pretty much everything, and we’re having the last supper. My mother says that she’d already packed pretty much everything so the next day should be simple. I just say that she needs to remember to pack EVERYTHING this time. Both parents looked at me slightly puzzled. I simply repeat myself. At this point my father, usually the slower of the pair, gets my meaning, and says to my mother, “Oh you know”, and then proceeded to do an impression of the vibrator in question….as if it was powered by a 30 megawatt diesel generator. Either that or a road drill, such was the volume of the impression. My mother starts to laugh embarrassed, whilst I’m cringing in my seat. So I say to my dad “You’re not off the hook either. You forgot your pills”. My mother then comes back with “Oh don’t worry. He doesn’t always need them”, and I am left with permanent mental scars and wishing that the ground would open up and let me fall into the bowels of hell, where after having told this story, I no doubt will end up.
(, Wed 23 May 2012, 23:45, closed)
You poor bastard
some people that had sex to produce you have some more sex, and it's embarrassing.
My deepest condolences.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 0:09, closed)
Such is life
Whilst it is nice to know that they are still getting it on that late in life (Hell, I want to be getting some when I'm that old), there is something about having to handle your parent's sex toys that is just a little disturbing.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 0:59, closed)
At least you know you'd
been there first.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 2:02, closed)
Don't be such a misery.
(which is a bit rich coming from me, I admit). Our parents have sex, we all know it, it doesn't mean we want to have it quite so graphically presented to us. That was funny, short and quite well told, it had a point and won't be deleted. A rare combination this week.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:34, closed)
good lord.
my MIL was alluding to 'doing it' last week and the unspoken horror was, well, horrifying. ugh.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 2:28, closed)
Good god you're married!?
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:01, closed)

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:53, closed)
the best story yet
ace parents
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:03, closed)
Neither do I, for that matter.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 9:58, closed)
Do not meddle in the ways of parents, for they are tricky buggers and quick to embarrass us.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:00, closed)

« Go Back

Pages: Popular, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1