Several years ago, I was going through a bit of a rough patch. Money was tight, my landlord was being a dick and I had probably the worst summer job I've ever had. However, the worst thing to happen was breaking up with my girlfriend at the time, whom I had grown particularly fond of.

Suffice to say, I wasn't in a good place and still being at the tail-end of teenagerism, much angst was had.

One Wednesday night on the way home from work, a female colleague of mine (whom we'll call "D" for now) admitted that she broke up with her girlfriend. Oh that's right, D was a lesbian. And not the pretty kind. In fact, she was in her late 20's but somehow was already missing a few teeth. What teeth she had left were at awkward angles. A pretty smile, she did not have.

The topic of her muff preference had come up a few times before, she'd been with men in the past but wasn't all that fussed on them. She simply preferred women, much like I did. After a few drinks and some consoling, I walked her home as that seemed like the right thing to do.



Now before you get too excited, I know what you're thinking, it DIDN'T happen. We didn't sleep together.




...until the following Saturday! After much more drinking, we both decided that frankly what we both wanted right now was a good shag and that's what at least one of us got.
Ok, that's somewhat unfair - for a woman that hadn't been with a man for the better part of a decade, she certainly had a few tricks up her sleeve. I was no slouch, either, possibly from being a bit of a manwhore in my slightly earlier youth. In fact, I genuinely surprised D who later admitted that she at thought I'd be completely shit. Never mind the fact that I was a man and couldn't possibly compete with a woman. Well, compete I did.

So much so, in fact, that D also admitted that I had converted her. She was no longer a lesbian "experimenting" but would quite happily tell people that she was Bi from now on and would, in fact, stick with men for a while.

And that's why I regret what I did. Because of me, the ratio of straight, pretty girls to straight, ugly ones has been tipped slightly towards the uggos. I'm really sorry, everyone.

Length? Wasn't much of an issue, she was a dirty bitch.
(Kushan just wants to fit in..to your mum, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:24, 15 replies)

This is so badly written that I can't even be bothered to take the piss out of it.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:26, closed)

Thanks!

(Kushan just wants to fit in..to your mum, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:28, closed)

You're welcome.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:40, closed)

It can't be badly written, it's nearly half a screenful!

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 23:16, closed)

There's a lot of lesbians
wanting to shag men around here.

Where can I find one (but pretty, not like yours)?
( Regger, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:33, closed)

My sister is a lesbian
and she has an 18 year old daughter.

The father must have been shit in bed.
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 16:36, closed)

Pretty lesbians are a porn myth.
At best, you'll get a Justin Bieber-alike.

[Edit: actually, I take that back. I have met some perfectly fine looking women of that persuasion.]
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:34, closed)

He shore has a purdy mouth

( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:35, closed)

Lesbians who look like Ned Beatty?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:37, closed)

Stop, you're turning me on

(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:39, closed)

Sandi Toksvik is getting uncomfortably close these days
Why do you think she mostly sticks to radio?
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 17:16, closed)

I'm sure that's not true
I mean, how many times have you seen a guy trying to chat up a pretty girl in a bar, get shot down, then wander off muttering "Huh. She must be a lesbian, then".
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:38, closed)

I'll defer
to your greater experience, in this regard.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:44, closed)

I think they're just rare
But there's definitely plenty of pretty women that swing both ways and let's face it, they're much more fun
(Kushan just wants to fit in..to your mum, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 15:46, closed)

"Tricks up her sleeve", eh?
I haven't heard it put quite that way before.
(ubergeekian, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 17:40, closed)