How to reduce a man to jelly
...and not in a good way.

I left boarding school like most Catholic males did in the 70s: psychologically fucked up, no knowledge of the opposite sex bar nuns and porn (not together either) and with alternating uncontrollable lust and crushing unmerited guilt. Oh, and no social skills except persistence.

Off to Uni I go, where I find that the skills picked up at the 4 6th year mixed discos we'd been allowed (5 minute dance, lights off, frenzied mutual wank, nip out for fag while she wept quietly) didn't stand me in good stead.

And then I met Mary, who was a biology PhD student, and therefore a) older and b) used to gutting small furry animals. Bought her a drink, got face slapped, bought her another, got wry smile refusal, bought her another, got "You really don't give up, do you?". "Er, no"

"Right, Friday afternoon, Block x Room yyy. Wash, shave, clean teeth. Bring change of clothes and enough money for a decent restaurant. Tell no one."

On arrival, novel filth (to me) ensued. I was instructed on the location and proper use of the various ladybits, and how to make absolutely sure their owner had more fun than I ever would. Then there was Introductory Prostate Handling, a shower, Gentlemanly Weight Distribution 101, a cigarette, tooth brushing, Keeping the Ears Warm, and finally For God's Sake, Can't You Manage Another One?

The meal took most of my grant for the next month. We returned for more filth. She chucked me out at 2 am to face an 8 mile walk back to the 1st year residences.

After a week with no contact, I wandered into Bio and asked her dept head if I could talk to her. He gave me a long searching look, not without a smile, and handed me an envelope. Inside was a dissection protocol form, but instead of a description of eviscerated hamsters, there was a report headed "Investigation of Immature Male Hominid" with a mark out of 10 for every perversion we'd perpetrated. None of them was over 6.

What do I regret? Not the sex, not the meal, not the humiliation. I regret missing the Dungeons and Dragons meet that Friday, where my 43rd level cleric got lent out by the DM and killed by a spod from Social Sciences.

Told you I was fucked up.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 18:08, 7 replies)

Just... Ow.

( MatJ LOOK, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 18:41, closed)

Excellent
Typical Phd bio woman
(Smale is stuffed, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 21:35, closed)

I thought Clerics could only go to level 36.
Or am I a cunt?
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Sat 10 Dec 2011, 22:13, closed)

Don't be so Basic D&D.
In Advanced you can become a god.

A GOD, I TELL YOU!
(Prince of Prance, Sun 11 Dec 2011, 8:35, closed)

I love being so geeky that I can say...
you can only go to 40th level, that's as far as the epic rules go. Unless you're talking about that new fangled only for gays 4th edition, in which case I wouldn't know.
(Booce, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 14:13, closed)

4th edition
sucks monkey balls
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 13 Dec 2011, 12:06, closed)

One favour Mary did me...
...was to realise (eventually) that AD&D, and all forms of gaming, are what you do while waiting for a life, not instead of one.

Except Half Life 1 & 2 of course. And maybe COD.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Tue 13 Dec 2011, 17:03, closed)