Loss of virginity (pearoast)...
...I was about 15 and had just been approached by a girl at the Youth Club who said she fancied me and that she was also "on the pill."
It took me about 5 minutes to realize she wasn't referring to a cold and flu tablet and we proceeded to the local park (always deserted at night except for teenagers doing unspeakables).
So we disrobed a little and with me on top I proceeded to lose my virginity. Problem was that I thought you just inserted and waited...so I laid there *totally* motionless and after a couple of minutes she gave some encouraging movements which quite startled me as I feared she must be an epileptic or something.
It was very disappointing, but she was very nice about it and didn't dob me in to my mates.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:13, 24 replies)

9/10. With a bonus point for poignancy.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:24, closed)

I like this..
Insert and wait, like a disappointing slot machine.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:24, closed)

Yank down her arm and then furiously nudge her buttons.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 17:13, closed)

To hold the cherry
or ride the wheels of chance and fate, there goes my innocence .
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 17:21, closed)

It all went down hill when the cunts started asking general knowledge questions.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 19:11, closed)

Makes me sad to think
of all these 15 year old kids these days, raised on a diet of frank sex education and easily available porn videos, who will never experience stuff like this.

You know, things were better in our day. Ain't that right Jebediah?
(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:36, closed)

And of all the girls who are startled when the lad whips it out and comes on their face
"What? That's what you do, innit?"
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:41, closed)

OK, now I'm genuinely sad
and not just pretend sad.
(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:44, closed)

While we're on the subject:
spitting in porn - where the fuck did that come from?
(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:45, closed)

"Oh yeah, spit on it bitch"
What? To quote John Cleese - what's wrong with a nice kiss?
(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:47, closed)

Wait ... John Cleese has made porn?
Oh boy oh boy oh boy.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 17:13, closed)

Ministry of silly wanks?

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 17:25, closed)

Feltchy Towers.

(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 17:43, closed)

Flowery Twats.
Wait ... hang on.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 19:04, closed)

If only more of them did that
it would count for a % or two fewer teen pregnancies. A damper on the chav breeding program couldn't be a bad thing.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 17:23, closed)

We'd save a bundle on maternity services,
but all the eye infections would probably overwhelm the GP service.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 19:08, closed)

Holy crap
imagine the horror of sitting in the waiting room with 20 squinting teenagers, like some kind of post bukkake-apocalypse nightmare.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 19:27, closed)

Pubic hair must come as a shock, too

(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 17:20, closed)

^this^
and for the ladies, finding out that arse to mouth is probably not as appealing as it looks. And it doesn't look appealing at all, ever.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 17:27, closed)

When
I was 15, I had to steal porn.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 19:30, closed)

I seem to remember
porn was to be found under hedges and in farm gateways. The pages were often mysteriously locked to prevent access to the underaged. Attempting to peel them open resulted in instant destruction of images. Still, sometimes there was a tit or a bit of fanny.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 19:39, closed)

This is both tragic and hilarious
It's also worthy of a *click*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 16:48, closed)

Ha ha poor you
I used to play in a band with some blokes and one girl. Once particularly drunken conversation about sex ended with her exclaiming "oh, you mean you're allowed to move while you're doing it?". And then the rest of us fell over from laughing. She wasn't very rock and roll.
(Smale is stuffed, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 19:43, closed)

Excellent!

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 14 Dec 2011, 23:34, closed)