The coathanger
As a young man who lives alone and exists solely on a diet of e numbers, lard and meat, I've become fairly reknowned for spending far too long on the toilet, dropping brown eggs of mammoth proportions.
Of course, this causes one repeating problem... The Floater That Will Not Die.
I've managed to work my way around this problem though, by the clever use of an old wire coathanger I now keep in the dark scary cupboard next to my bog.

What instruments do you use to chop up your wayward excretia?
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 15:19, 6 replies)

My cat produces floaters
... Not that he can use the loo, mind you, but his litter tray is in the bathroom, and I have one of those scoopy things and get rid of the faeces down the loo.

The gel litter having done its work, it usually takes about half an hour of rehydration and three flushes to sink the last dinghy.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 15:22, closed)

Pffft!
Dinghy made me think of tiny little cat-poo people clinging on for dear life.
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 15:25, closed)

One New Year's Eve
I used a stick. Threw it out in the yard after "mission accomplished". That night, I and two other guys were cooking dinner for 3 girls. Halfway through making the pasta I go outside - guess what Li is using to stir up the coals in the BBQ? I don't remember which end he was holding (so, either the safe end, or I've selectively blocked it from my memory). But I do remember there was still paper clinging to it.
(chase, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 17:23, closed)

Coathangers
For me it's normally a bucket of water from about 6 feet but since the invention of the power shower - that seems to mince it up nicely for a good hard flush! Just make sure you don't get any splash back!
(Something funny, Sat 29 Mar 2008, 3:18, closed)

A length of...
...Meccano once
(Mousy Tongue ...Generally bemused by life..., Sun 30 Mar 2008, 13:33, closed)

Fingers
As a large gentleman I have similarly found myself occasionally in possession of a particularly large turd that won't go down even after 2 or 3 flushes. My solution is to fold a few layers of paper together, enough to safely grasp the object in question and squeeze it to break it in halves.

And yes, the term "pinching a loaf" did occur to me the first time I did it :)
( Ratsta, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 5:04, closed)