Sleepwalking - Ooohhh.. What does it mean?
When I was 12 I arrived in my parents bedroom at mid-night to, excitedly, tell them that I'd just had sex with a young woman called Rachel in the back of a Volkswagen Beetle and that I had, in fact, 'pumped the fucking arse off her until she was red-raw'. I hadn't really (I wish), at that time I knew no-one of that name, had no interest in cars and certainly wasn't that rude.

On one morning when I was 13 my mum found me sleeping halfway up/down the staircase with full mattress, pillow and duvet. This continued to happen most nights, without my knowledge, until I was 18.

At 18 my mum awoke at 2am to discover me in the toilet, pissing against the pedestal and all over the bathroom floor, when I'd finished I did casually turn, complete with piss-soaked feet, flush the (unused) toilet, wash my hands and return to bed.

Years later, picture the scene, I'm lying in bed with Mrs. Haggisbreeder, I sit up and start to 'eat' something. She (also sleep cognitive) says: What are you eating?
Me: Nothing! Go back to sleep, it's nothing, honest.
Her: Yes you are! What is it?
Me: Pizza (imaginary)
Her: Can I have a bit?
Me: Shhhh, just go back to sleep..
Her: Oh, go on..
Me: No you can't have any, now fuck off and go back to sleep.

I finished the lot myself, selfish bastard that I am.

The same thing has happened with mince and tatties a few times since then and also with haggis and neeps.

I've always been a sleep walker, recently Mrs Haggisbreeder woke at 2am to find me up against the bedroom window 'giving birth' to some aliens who were being 'delivered' thru the window (Honestly, I don't do drugs). I successfully delivered them all without incident, like a hero, and all the alien survivors and their remote families really appreciated that.

One night, about 2 years ago, when I was working away from home and stayed in a little hotel with some co-workers, I used my bed as a toilet. It was embarrassing and everyone really took the piss out of me. The following evening, I had learned my lesson, I would never again piss my own bed, so I crept into my bosses room and used his bed / pillow instead. How many people get to piss on their boss and use sleepwalking as an excuse?
I still grin (BIG) everytime I think 'I urinated all over that thick cunt'!
I continue to regularly sleepwalk, in-fact I'm actually sleep-writing this and probably won't remember anything about it.

P.S.

I'd just like to give you all a big 'Woo' and a clicky slice of 'YaY' for the sheer cuntyfucks of it.
(Haggisbreeder Was talking when he should have been listening on, Sat 25 Aug 2007, 22:04, Reply)