Drinky Drunky Sleepy Fun
All my friends seem to develop sleepwalking tendencies when they're drunk. I don't know if this technically counts but they wake up the next morning having done something stupid while 'asleep' so if we all squint, these stories fit. Thanks.

Everyone knows of someone who tries to piss somewhere stupid thinking it's the toilet. My brother was stopped by his wife just before he relieved himself into a wardrobe. And then a week later into the washing basket. But this all pales into significance against the friend who woke up one morning, suitably hungover to find his TV drenched in wee. As if that wasn't enough a vague memory stirred and with growing horror he slowly opened the drawer at his bedside to find a lovely pool of vomit. Half way through the night he'd rolled over, opened the drawer, emptied his stomach into it and then just closed it and gone back to sleep as if this was in someway normal.

But none of these are impressive as one friend who shall remain nameless. His second best was blundering into his mother's room, waking her up by turning the light on and swaying there for a moment with his eyes closed. When his mother asked, rather annoyed what he was doing, he opened the conversation with the slurred classic "Have you ever squatted over a mirror so you can look at your own arsehole?". He seemed quite annoyed when his mother didn't want to have such a discussion at three in the morning and just shuffled off.

Even better, however, occurred just a few weeks later. His younger brother was fast asleep when he was woken up by the friend coming back from a night on the town. He heard him thumping about and sliding along the walls trying to get to his bed and finally everything was quiet and he went back to sleep. Half an hour later his door is opened and he's blinded by the light being put on. His brother, allegedly asleep, wearing nothing but his boxer shorts and his glasses stumbles up to him, grabs the duvet and tries to get into the single bed with him. Little brother is not too happy about this and starts shouting at him, pointing out that he's naked. Unperturbed the friend mutters "Well.....I'm seven eighths naked!" and resumes the struggle. Eventually with a few swift punches he gets the message and stumbles off back to his own bed. The little brother is waiting to make sure he's gone before doing the short naked jog to switch his light back off. Just as he's about to, the door handle rattles and his door opens a few inches. He readies himself to shout, swear and punch again whereupon his brother's hand snakes through the gap holding his glasses. He hangs them on the handle on the inside of the door, pulls it to behind him and then slides down the landing wall and collapses into his own bedroom. He says he was asleep the whole time but I think he was just after some incest fun and needed an excuse when he got knocked back.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Mon 27 Aug 2007, 9:37, Reply)