Finishing In Style
Always be careful when disposing of your cigarette ends. I once flicked a still lit cigarette towards a bin I was walking past (naughty I know). As if to teach me a lesson about fire safety it missed the hole, bounced off the side of the bin (back towards me) and, without thinking, I caught it with ninja like reflexes and burnt myself. Unbelievable yet true.

Even more unbelievable and yet still true was the even worse time when I finished smoking while standing around in my back garden, enjoying the summer sun. I flicked my cigarette away and it spanged into a passing bee which I then had to run away from as it became quite angry.

Just out of interest, is anyone else's life so consistently fucking ridiculous?
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Fri 21 Mar 2008, 18:41, 20 replies)

Yes
Only yesterday during a conversation with my MD I turned to go upstairs, missed the stairs and trapped my knee in the railing.

This only days after taking a woman to bed and inadvertently lobbing her into a wardrobe.

And that was mere minutes after setting fire to my tshirt while lighting a spliff.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Fri 21 Mar 2008, 18:48, closed)

Yes
I have, on occasion, been so drunk and/or stoned that I have put the lit end of the cigarette in my mouth. Twice.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 21 Mar 2008, 19:21, closed)

Yay
Thanks for making me feel normal(ish). I can't stop laughing at you getting your knee stuck in a railing Disasterprone, well done. So its not just a funny name then eh?

And CHCB, for gods sake post that in the actual question! Its funnier than 95% of the posts I've read so far. I've done the same thing on a few occasions, whenever any non-smoker says they think cigarettes must taste disgusting I always think 'they've clearly never tried to smoke a recenly lit filter'. It stays surprisingly hot as well so is very handy for lip burnage you don't notice till the morning after.

Is it just me or should 'ridiculous things keep happening to me!' be next weeks question?
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Fri 21 Mar 2008, 19:47, closed)

It's a name that
I picked and long and careful thought.

If it's improbable, it's happened to me!

My wedding ring is in a turtle in the Caribbean.

And a great idea for the next QOTW...
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Fri 21 Mar 2008, 20:10, closed)

Jaysus Man!
Disasterprone, you're killing me! As a non sequitur 'My wedding ring is in a turtle in the Caribbean' takes some beating. I get the urge to follow you around and see if we can turn the entire world into some gigantic Inspector Clouseau type mega experience.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Fri 21 Mar 2008, 20:18, closed)

Link Paradox!
Clicking on this may destroy the time continuum as we know it...

www.b3ta.com/questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post133426
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Fri 21 Mar 2008, 20:29, closed)

Gleeballs (et al)
No, you're not the only one.

And thank god for something to laugh at finally. I've had a cunt of a day so far (bastard americans and their bastard not having bastard holidays) and that whole exchange above has right cheered me up.

*feels better*
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Fri 21 Mar 2008, 21:24, closed)

The problem is that in my job
I have to be very sharp and together.

Instead, I bumble from unlikely incident to unlikely incident, getting more and more unfortunate the harder I try.

How many other people would be discovered by a director while having an animated argument with a Malaysian about a space order while sitting beneath a desk (to drown out background noise)?

Also I have a gift for saying the wrong thing. Then continuing to offend while trying to dig myself out of the shit. My friends refer to this as DP's Shovel.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Fri 21 Mar 2008, 22:36, closed)

Dreams
Due to having a ridiculous life, does it make your dreams proportionally odder to compensate? Honest to god, last night I dreamt I was the director of a remake of 3:10 To Yuma but for some reason I was re-using the original cast. Whilst setting up a tricky shot in an old western style street the assistant director came up to me looking worried. "We've got a problem with Russell Crowe!" He wailed.
"What?" I asked.
"This!" He said, whereupon he put down in front of me a shallow baking tray filled with unset jelly.

Honestly, wtf?
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Sat 22 Mar 2008, 7:08, closed)

Last week
I dreamt of a Korean who covered himself in butter and petrol lit himself and fed himself to a giant dog/bear.

The dwarf was confused when I discussed it.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Sat 22 Mar 2008, 9:36, closed)

http://johnnyball.livejournal.com
for more improbable but true tales.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Sat 22 Mar 2008, 9:37, closed)

Nice
Thanks for the warning that the first thing I'd read would be about you tossing yourself to glory. Good work!
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Sat 22 Mar 2008, 12:59, closed)

It's a fetching image, no?

( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Sat 22 Mar 2008, 13:23, closed)

Ahem
I've 'ad worse luv.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Sat 22 Mar 2008, 13:33, closed)

Now that,
I have no doubt, is true.

Because let's face it, I'm ace!
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Sat 22 Mar 2008, 15:23, closed)

And
I'm cheap.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Sat 22 Mar 2008, 17:10, closed)

Re: the turtle.
DP, which end of the turtle did the ring enter, and how?

I was once nearly hit by a Robin Reliant. I dodged it at the last minute but in that second had resolved to roll under the bus that was following it, so as to avoid the shame of being run over by something essentially made of fibre glass and nothing else.

Mind you, it might just have bounced off me.

Lerrus know about the ring. Ta.
(singingringingtree Living in the past., Sat 22 Mar 2008, 19:06, closed)

Cheap and a b3tan?
Surely not... (!)
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Sat 22 Mar 2008, 22:17, closed)

And I believe it was
the turtle's head (so to speak).

I had my ring on when swimming with them, and stroking them, then was missing it seconds later.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Sat 22 Mar 2008, 22:18, closed)

ridiculous things keep happening to me
Every time I visit France, I always end up seeing someone's arse.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 24 Mar 2008, 17:31, closed)