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This is a question Social Networking Gaffes

Freddy Woo writes, "My school bully just friended me on Facebook!" No doubt he pokes him, and then demands his lunch money.

Personally, last month a scantily clad young woman confused me with her fiance, with whom I share a first and last name. I'm still not sure she's noticed, but she's going to be mortified when she does.

What's the biggest mistake you've made using a social networking site?

(, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 14:06)
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I went onto match.com
Ever been on there? It's really an interesting experience. I signed up, put up pictures, started scanning the women in my area and sending "winks" to them. The result? Absolute silence.

Then about two days later I checked back in, and found winks in my inbox- not from anyone I had sent them to, but from other women. So that's how it works, I thought- instead of me approaching them, I need to wait for them to approach me. Well, now that I know the rules...

I responded to any who looked to be interesting and had a reasonable vocabulary. Sorry, but I'm something of a snob in this regard... Anyway, I chatted up a vast number of women. I got a lot of email addresses and phone numbers, then started phoning. Loads more chatting. Dozens of photos. No, sorry, I hate Whitney Houston and Celine Dion. Yes, I do love to have dinners in. I drive a ten year old car that shows its age, sorry. Yes, I know that restaurant- it's quite nice.

Forward a week and I'm meeting some of them for the first time. Some had used rather old pictures, evidently- either that or Dorian Gray had been using them instead of a painting. Some had the manners of a dock worker. But then there were the ones that were reasonably pretty and fit who seemed genuinely nice, and were interested in this blond haired guy with the slightly odd accent.

Over the next month I don't think I spent more than one or two nights in my own bed. I was fed like royalty, had a warm and willing companion every night, and generally felt like a rock star.

Only one little problem- I started getting a bit tired and started getting confused. Eight women at one time is a lot to juggle. I slipped here and there, but was able to recover pretty quickly. I took to keeping a notebook in my car, with a couple of pages dedicated to each one where I could write down important things like what restaurants we had been to and what we had done together.

Then one night I was in a restaurant with Janine when Karen showed up for an after work drink. The scene that ensued brought us to the attention of Margaret, who happened to be having dinner with a girlfriend across the restaurant.

In the end I paid for Janine's dinner and my own, as well as for the broken glasses and plates. I avoided legal trouble and was not barred from there, but have never gone back.

It didn't take long for me to drift away from the others, really. I eventually narrowed it down to one who I dated for about a year, but then somehow she got word of that night.

I'm still finding shards of that wine bottle and glasses.


EDIT: I should add here that it really was not my intention initially to be playing the field quite that much- I just couldn't decide on who I liked best. Not that this really justifies my actions- in retrospect it really was poor behavior on my part- but hopefully it gives a little better perspective on things. I'm really not that much of a git.
(, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 14:52, 11 replies)
you were and arsehole and got caught and paid for it? Cool.

See, everyone, heartwarming morality tales DO still exist.
(, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 16:02, closed)
That's one way of looking at it, certainly.
I was a kid in a candy store, having a blast. I suppose it eventually had to catch up.

On the other hand, I can say that I never promised anyone anything where I didn't keep the promise. I never led anyone on- I was quite up-front that I was not after anything big and permanent.

But in retrospect, it did seem remarkably sitcom...
(, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 16:32, closed)
Indeed, you could almost certainly have gotten away with it for at least an extra week
if you'd studied past episodes of "saved by the bell" for tips.
(, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 16:39, closed)
I'm clicking for the Dorian Gray reference.
(, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 18:58, closed)
I was actually thinking
that it was more like something from "Man About the House", but there you go.
(, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 19:25, closed)
I'm not sure you did anything wrong, actually.
Did you ever explicitly say to any of these women that you were in an exclusive relationship with them? I think it's perfectly acceptable to date around, until you find the perfect person for you. Lots of people do it (to be fair, it's far more common in the US than in the UK, but the UK is catching up), and it saves time to date concurrently instead of consecutively.
(, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 10:50, closed)
I actually did something similar for a time. A good friend of mine pointed out that I had been doing what she referred to as "serial monogamy", so each break-up was like a mini-divorce. She advised dating multiple people simultaneously, as long as you were up front about what you were doing. That way if a relationship ended, it wasn't as painful a rejection because you still had others you were seeing.

As I had just come out of a messy divorce and a bad heartbreak soon after, I took her advice to heart and did exactly that. She was right- it was a very healing experience for me, and put relationships into perspective in a way I had never known before. It made it much more balanced.

Heather, I really owe you a big one for that bit of insight.
(, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 13:14, closed)
Actually I suppose I did deceive by omission- I never specifically said that I was seeing others. I really can't blame them for getting angry with me.

Well, other than Kathleen. It was a year in the past at that point, ffs...
(, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 18:43, closed)
The best method
is to go out in a completely different disguise for each woman so even if one of the others is out you won't be clocked. The perfect crime. Just keep a note of which disguise corresponds with which woman and you are laughing.

I suspect you may be lying though 'cos match is just a con. I tried it and got bugger all. (Actually I got one after me but when she(?) finally sent a picture it was of some strange breed of hippopotamus wearing a poodle on its head. If she cant take it seriously then forget it.)
(, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 18:48, closed)
"I think it's perfectly acceptable to date around, until you find the perfect person for you."
Agreed. In my mind there's a very big difference between going on some dates and being in a relationship.

If they went that nuts over something so trivial, maybe you dodged a bullet(s)?
(, Mon 15 Sep 2008, 16:08, closed)
I went on Match too
TO start with i did the same, and played the feild a bit - only 2 at a time mind you and for a short while, and the girls i was with were doing the exact same thing. We were all upfront about it and it worked nicely. Later on I met a girl who i was strictly monogamous with however, and we're now getting married - so it does work.

You do get 'winked' at by some absolute trolls though, some of whom wouldn't look out of place in this weeks image compo...
(, Tue 16 Sep 2008, 13:29, closed)

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