Mr Holmes – you have a lot to answer for…

I don’t mean to sound like a ‘love rat’ or anything but there was a time when I was a bit fed up with my lady, the relationship had gone rather stale and I was looking for a ‘way out’.

So one night when she was asleep I sloped off and joined a famous social networking / dating site.

New to this lark but looking for a potential partner, I entered my ‘preferences’ into the database. I admit I did lay it on a bit thick with the old romance; but stated that I like the usual things – you know, like rum and pineapple cocktails, getting caught in the rain, making love at midnight, champagne, that kind of thing.

Well, I pressed ‘confirm’ and lo and behold – an exact match appeared!

With my heart racing, I proposed a meeting at a bar called O'Malley's the next day at noon. I couldn’t wait.

My red carnation pinned to my suit jacket, I sat in the bar in anticipation of her arrival like a giddy teenager. What would she be like? – Beautiful, or some munting hippopotapig?

Then she walked in. When I saw her smile and the curve of her face I recognised her instantly. It was the missus!

At first I shat a brick – I thought I’d been rumbled - but when she approached me I noticed she also had a carnation on her blouse…it was her that had answered my profile!

This made me realise that we actually already had so much in common…well, what could I do?

…

I shouted ‘You sneaky slag!’, threw my pina colada in her face, then fucked off and ended up shagging the barmaid.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:12, 4 replies)

For the younger people...

This should explain what the fuck I'm on about...


Rupert Holmes


Pina Colada Lyrics



I was tired of my lady
We'd been together too long
Like a worn-out recording
Of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping
I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns
There was this letter I read

"If you like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you'd like making love at midnight
In the dunes on the Cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for
Write to me and escape."

I didn't think about my lady
I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady
Have fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper
Took out a personal ad
And though I'm nobody's poet
I thought it wasn't half bad

"Yes I like Pina Coladas
And getting caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food
I am into champagne
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon
And cut through all this red-tape
At a bar called O'Malley's
Where we'll plan our escape."

So I waited with high hopes
And she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant
I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady
And she said, "Oh it's you."
Then we laughed for a moment
And I said, "I never knew."

That you like Pina Coladas
Getting caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean
And the taste of champagne
If you'd like making love at midnight
In the dunes of the Cape
You're the lady I've looked for
Come with me and escape

repeat chorus twice and fade out
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:13, closed)

I love that song.
But only when I've been on the cooking sherry.
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:38, closed)

thanks for putting that tune in my head
not the whole song , i seem to be stuck at making love at midnight and getting caught in the rain.

bastard
(happyjoy last changed sig on, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:56, closed)

waaaaa
clicky
(Siouxfan I'm not staring at you, I am just short sighted, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 13:07, closed)