The Facebook Stalker
Prior to finding true love with my current missus, I was affectionately known by many friends and colleagues as "The Facebook Stalker". You see, I'm quite a shy and timid person when it comes to the opposite sex and the thought of actually talking to a girl I liked the look of has actually caused me to vomit on one or two occasions.

Because of this I thought it a good idea to actually find out some things about whatever girl had taken my eye that day in order to decide if it was even worth the hassle, this was largely determined on pictoral evidence as apposed to actually reading anything, I mean, everyone lies on these things anyway right?

So what I would do, is find out their full name, or if we had any mutual acquatances, and then take a quick look on facebook or the other one and see if they had a profile. Once located I would add them with a comment along the lines of "Hey, I think we know each other through X so I thought I would add you, how are you". This usually resulted in a new "friend" and a couple of messages to and fro before one or both of us got either bored or uncomfortable.

No punchline per-say, but now that I'm in a healthy, happy relationship, may I just say:

Lauren, Sue, Mel, Hannah, the other Hannah, Ellie, Louise, Caroline and Stephanie; I'm very sorry for adding you, sending you a few messages and then not talking to you again once I found out you were involved/pregnant/not interested/a bit of a nutter/boring.
(batmowes Internet Dating Superstud, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 21:12, 5 replies)

Christ.
Here's another one who'd rather do the online equivalent of sitting in the bushes rubbing his cock.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 22:43, closed)

Fucking hell.
You sound like a FABulous catch.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sun 14 Sep 2008, 23:33, closed)

Fabulous catch?
Yes I'm a fucking legend.

And wanking in the bushes? At what point did I mention I ever had my cock out you fucktard?
(batmowes Internet Dating Superstud, Mon 15 Sep 2008, 7:10, closed)

Top replying there.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 15 Sep 2008, 11:07, closed)

We just assumed
that it was implied...
(Scrumpy does not negotiate with terrorists,, Mon 15 Sep 2008, 11:21, closed)