Right then, get this out of the way.
To the waiter.

in the Oriel brasserie, Sloane Square. Circa 1997.

It wasn't me that knocked the bottle of St Emillion over on the table, making you have to move everything off the table, change the linen, put everything back and mop the floor.

It was the girl I was having lunch with. She was one of our brokers, we were meeting to discuss business. I was fingering her under the table, and she knocked the bottle over when she came.

Sorry.


(pearoast from a couple of years ago. You're all going to have to work very hard indeed to beat the guy that posted the cartoons first time round. Very hard indeed.

b3ta.com/questions/confess/post841467
(username failed moderation, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 17:15, 28 replies)

I remember this, and I laughed at you then as well, you fucking liar.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 17:17, closed)

I wouldn't expect anything
else.
(username failed moderation, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 17:18, closed)

I have just nearly died laughing at Friz's cartoons again though, so thanks for that.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 17:20, closed)

They're a lot more skillful than
they seem, at first glance.

He's nailed the expressions and body language.

Top stuff.
(username failed moderation, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 17:22, closed)

I got to the bit about fish fingers and completely lost my composure.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 17:27, closed)

I can't picture you ever being composed BD.
Your chin maybe but not you.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 17 Jan 2013, 21:30, closed)

'sorry' but this is a massive chinny reck-on.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 17:19, closed)

Yeah, I think we covered that last time.
If I really gave a toss about your opinion, I wouldn't have bothered reposting it, would I?

The QOTW reminded me of it, so just thought I'd give it an outing.

Carry on.
(username failed moderation, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 17:21, closed)

I'm with you on this one, Monty.
I think it's MASSIVE itchychin territory.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 17:37, closed)

Just think of it as a favour.
I'm giving everyone something to talk about while we wait for next weeks question.
(username failed moderation, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 17:40, closed)

That's very altruistic of you.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 17:42, closed)

That's not how you spell "autistic".

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 8:10, closed)

Yeah I'm not convinced of the physics of this.
Long tablecloth, bench or no.

At the very least you'd have to be sitting right next to her with your arm in front ... you'd look ... well - like you were fingering her.

I call lies.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 17:24, closed)

Sigh.
1) Who cares?

2) Sitting next to her, on a bench seat, with a long tablecloth over our laps.

She had a short skirt and no knickers.

It probably was a bit obvious, but that was kinda the point.

Any other questions - read the old thread, I'm pretty sure we covered most of them there.
(username failed moderation, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 17:27, closed)

Well ... presumably you care.
Or you wouldn't have posted it.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 17:36, closed)

IT sounds plausible to me.
On the logistics bit, I once fingered a girl under the kitchen table at a party, as we were all sat round it having a drink. We were sat very close, but it can be done.

On the it being obvious part, I once had a wank on a plane. I was sat in my seat, doing it under the blanket. Now, I knew that everyone around me knew I was having a wank. They were also too embarrassed to say anything. My point being that if you're doing something along those lines in public and don't give a fuck, you'll usually get away with it.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 17:34, closed)

She was game for most things, and a bit of an exhibitionist.
I shagged her in a horsebox that was parked in a busy paddock at a horseshow once.
(username failed moderation, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 17:37, closed)

whore's box
lol
( 4Q just lurking, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 19:08, closed)

Something something TESCO BURGERS.
.
( rjmrjm, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 19:10, closed)

something something UNNECESSARY FULL STOP

.





















                                                                      .

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 8:13, closed)

You really are a charmer,
aren't you?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 19:40, closed)

I bet she came so hard...
...it caused flooding in Tewkesbury!
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 17:30, closed)

I heard rob once fingered a kid from the other side of the internet.
He used special gloves or something
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 19:56, closed)

Cyber cum
Awesome!
( broken flange, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 20:08, closed)

Feel free to bring this up every week.
It's one of the greatest threads ever.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 20:16, closed)

You massive virgin.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 0:12, closed)

Yeah.
I've seen that film as well. I don't think I enjoyed it as much as you though. I managed to retain my grasp on the difference between "a film" and "my own life".
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 8:10, closed)