The Glory of Love
It must have been the late 80s and I was undergoing a sort of sexual awakening at school. I'd got a headstart in the development stakes and found that a pair of well exhibited tits was pretty much all you needed to have most of the boys transformed into drooling lapdogs. I had my pick of the lot.

Thus it was that I found myself on a date at the cinema to see Karate Kid II with one Gregory Birstall, a guy in my class who had impressed me with the suggestion of a date rather than just sucking him off behind the dentists near my house.

Who can forget the haunting strains of Peter Cetera's ballad The Glory of Love? Certainly not anyone who has witnessed the cinematic landmark of Karate Kid II, in which eternally young Ralph Macchio seals the fate of his movie career by mimicking a cheesy tourist drum knick-knack as a martial arts move. The song was all over the radio during that period and, as teenage girl, I was prone to a bit of romance.

Indeed, it was just as that song was playing that Gregory's hand began the inevitable journey up my leg. I'd like to say that I was appreciative of the gesture, but I had other things on my mind. Specifically, the slimy burger I'd bought from a converted ice-cream van earlier in the day. At that moment, it was coursing through my bowels like black plague and was threatening to erupt into my too small pants any moment in a geyser of liquid ordure.

I clamped my legs closed (almost breaking Gregory's hand) but evidently he took this as a coy gesture of shyness and continued to probe snatchwards.

By now, the formless abomination was quivering at my anus and it was all I could do to hold it in while trying to lever Gregory's hand from betwixt my thighs. I could not do both, and my tightly sheathed tits had rendered Gregory incoherent with seething hormones.

"I am a man who will fight for your honour" warbled Peter. "I'll be the hero you've been dreaming of..."

Sometimes you just have to let go. I sighed and relaxed the inward pressure of my thighs, giving Gregory the go-ahead.

Or rather, allowing about a cupful of reeking shit to bubble noisily from my arse with an accompanying wet raspberry that was heard for about three rows in both directionsd. The stench followed quickly after and we were asked to leave.

For at least the next year my tits did nothing to entice anyone on a date with me. The glory of love my arse.
(JessicaJugs, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 14:30, 13 replies)

Nice try JJ
Anyone who took a look at your hastily composed profile would probably give you a click for the picture...

...but if that was you - when exactly was it taken? KK2 came out in 1986, you were sexually awakening then, say, 15, so...you were born in 1971. Now, I've nothing against 39 year olds, no indeed, but I don't think that is you.

Am I right or am I right?

Confession time. Who are you?

Did Tortach teach you nothing?
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 14:43, closed)

Good work
Dective Grimsdale! I sense fast approaching comedy

*popcorn*
(Psymon_Spark Jesus Saves! The rest of you take 4d6 damage, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 14:46, closed)

Lanny Barby
would be in the profile
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lanny_barby
(BiggestNizzy your company name here pm for rates., Tue 2 Feb 2010, 15:00, closed)

the profile states quite clearly
that I am a liar. Anyone else guilty of that?
(JessicaJugs, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 15:06, closed)

What???
The very idea!!! (crosses fingers)

I'll have you know that EVERY WORD I write is, say, 68% truth.

At least.

Possibly even more.

Honest.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 15:13, closed)

this definitely happened

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 15:18, closed)

Now then.
You are the literary lovechild of Spanky and Pooflake AICMFP.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 2 Feb 2010, 15:36, closed)

Spanflake?
perhaps?
(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 16:00, closed)

PooSpank? Shurely?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 16:07, closed)

Pookie

(TheColonel, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 16:09, closed)

Oh my.
Thanks for the lol, I care not if the profile picture is accurate or not, for you spin a most amusing yarn.
(DoomDalek Purple is a fruit!, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 18:17, closed)

by an amusing coincidence
I shat into a pair of women's panties while looking at that photo. But it wasn't an accident.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 19:14, closed)

:D

(Helmut McBucket invites you to pull his finger on, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 23:35, closed)