SpoilersThe Hedgehog From Hell says: "I shared a house in England with a couple of Germans in 1999. I was watching Star Trek: Deep Space 9 on BBC2. One came into the room and saw Jadzia Dax on the screen and said 'Oh! Is she still alive? You're really far behind in this country.' What's been ruined for you, and how? Apart from QOTW, obviously"
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 6 Jun 2013, 13:29)
This question is now closed.
~~~**spoiler alert**~~~this week's question will be shit as well, and the usual cunts will tell desperately unfunny stories and whine like three-year-olds when they are called out on it.
tl;dr - recursive shit loop. for ever.
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janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 11:26,
10 replies)
***SPOILER ALERT***The mods will forget to change the QOTW and this will drag on until next Thursday.
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Muns, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 10:26,
Reply)
Star Wars ...Like many others, I loved Star Wars when I was a kid. It was the epitome of awesomeness. Massive space ships, laser guns, daring do, telekinesis and a well tough Princess.
My two girls now love the kiddies version Star Wars: the Clone Wars. The squillion dollar an episode kid safe TV series prequel. They're nuts for it. I walked into the lounge room yesterday to find the eldest having a fit on the floor with her little sister standing over her casting lightning from her fingertips. I didn't know whether to call the ambulance or the priest.
"We're playing Siths Mummy!"
The eldest recently came down with the flu. Doctor took a snot swab which came back 'unknown influenza variant'. I was well impressed and bored my suffering child with the petty consolation that scientists were busy at this very minute creating a vaccine for this new strain to be included in the flu shot next year. You're welcome.
She looked alarmed and asked me if flu shots were made from people's boogers. That was a tough one to answer, so I fell back on the oldest parental trick in the book; distraction.
"How about we rent out the first/last/original three Star Wars films on DVD. You haven't seen those yet." Now over the episodes of Clone Wars, I had filled the girls in with a fair bit of the backstory/future events of the Lore of Lucas.
So I curled up on the couch with my poorly firstborn, looking forward to sharing a nostalgic piece of epic childhood fun.
Oh. Dear. God. It was fucking awful. Once the scales of childhood fall from your eyes, the pre-CGI special effects made from models and animatronics look so cheap and tawdry compared to IDL's latest offering.
The lines were shit. Carrie Fisher was stoned. Mark Hamill was a squealy shite and even Harrison Ford in tights failed to impress.
So instead of the magical nerd love moment, we sat there in awkward silence. I asked my daughter afterwards what her favourite part was.
"When Luke got his hand chopped off."
(, Thu 13 Jun 2013, 4:54, 7 replies)
Just growing up spoils things sometimes...One of mini-mes mates, from a teeny tiny human who could listen to music LOVED Bob Marley.
His parents were the hippy sort and let him listen every chance he could, at home, in the car, wherever the little rugrat wanted to listen or bop along to Bob, he could.
He adored the music, demanded it every day, wanted to be Bob Marley, play music like Bob Marley, he sang all the songs he could JUST LIKE Bob Marley, he even dreamed of Bob.
It was only, one day when he was about 5, his mum heard him weeping upstairs that she ran to him and scooped him in her arms to find out what was wrong…he sobbed about how sad he was, his life was completely over …because he suddenly realised, in his child like innocent way, that he couldn’t ever BE Bob Marley, because it finally dawned on him that he was quite possibly, the whitest boy alive...
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Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Wed 12 Jun 2013, 23:40,
1 reply)
The Sixth SenseSo deciding to get my own back on someone who'd kept telling me the ending of films he'd seen and I hadn't, I happened to see him standing in the queue to see the next showing of The Sixth Sense after the one that I was walking out of as the credits roll.
So as I walk past him I say loudly to my date "I can't believe that Bruce Willis was a ghost all along, I never saw that one coming!"
(, Wed 12 Jun 2013, 21:38, 25 replies)
F1The end of the formula 1 season, 1999. Japanese Grand Prix. The Championships, both drivers' and constructors', has been rivetting, and has gone right down to the wire, with Hakkinen and Eddie Irvine both in with a chance, Schumacher had pole position with Hakkinen in second on the grid. If Schuie could keep Hakkinen in check, Irvine might win the driver's title...
The race took place in Japan, so it happened in the early hours UK time. Me and my bestest mate did our best to avoid spoilers, switching off the radio, avoiding telly, not buying a Sunday newspaper. The dulcet tones of Fleetwood Mac's "The Chain" had faded away, and we were settling down, when there was a knock at the door. It was a kid from up the road, for whom my g/f and I sometimes babysat. She invited him in for a glass of juice or something, and he said "What you doin?"
We told him we were about to watch the Grand Prix.
"Ah, it's boring," he said. "Hakkinen wins, Schumacher stalled on the grid."
...
...
...
Me and my mate looked at each other, then at him. Apparently, his mum had let him get up at 2am to watch the race. Which was, it has to be said, amazing. Schumacher did indeed stall on the grid and had to start at the back. When the race started again, he'd passed four cars before the first bend, and fought a frankly incredible battle right up through the field to finish second. To Hakkinen.
But we knew that, because the little sod had gone and told us, JUST AS THE COVERAGE WAS ABOUT TO START. We laugh now, but at the time we could cheerfully have drowned him.
(, Wed 12 Jun 2013, 19:49, 2 replies)
All the songs poems, prose you writeHave been written before.
Better.
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 12 Jun 2013, 13:02,
9 replies)
"I 'spo I leer."This is a true story, it happened to a friend of a friend of mine.
I used to share a house with a bloke called Gerald.
Gerry was an IT consultant. This was a time when "IT consultant" meant more than just being a computer salesman or helpdesk monkey. He made bigger bucks than most of us in the house (students and till monkeys) and thus *generally* moved in different circles to us. Sometimes those circles intersected.
That's how Gerry met Thalia.
Thalia attended uni with one of us. She was a bit of a knock-around girl, a grownup "tomboy" if you will.
Anything us blokes were up for, Thalia was happy to join in on. Including the more unsavory past-times. To whit - one of my most endearing memories of Thalia was watching her eat sushi off the pudendum of a stripper on a buck's night at a local house of ill repute. Good times.
To say we were incestuous would be like suggesting that you might find Ursine faeces in a woodland habitat. Most of us had known each other thru high-school and then into uni. We all knew who was fucking who, when, where and why.
Anyhoo...
Gerry saw, then met Thalia and was besotted. Thalia had had her fair share of suitors but wasn't really ready to 'settle down'. That said she was a smart girl and could see the writing on the [cubicle] wall - she knew she needed to cool her heels one day and find a man who would be secure and reliable. Gerald managed to fit that bill rather snugly.
Gerry was somewhat of a gentleman - he wanted to "woo" Thalia & make her realise his potential as a mate thru more civilised means rather than 'wham, bang, thank you mam!'.
Then one day Phillip 'arrived' on the scene in our little group. Much like Gerry, Phillip was on a career path rather than drinking and fucking his way to a tertiary education. Philip also knew Thalia outside of uni - apparently they had attended a local Rotary Youth Group together.
Gerry was incredibly jealous of Phillip and his friendship with Thalia and made that very clear with his behavior towards Phil. It seemed to give him the impetus to finally do something substantial about his his feelings towards Thalia.
They went on a number of wonderful, fascinating [expensive] dates which eventually culminated in them finally doing the dirty and dancing the horizontal tango. His happiness was only just eclipsed by our relief as Thalia gave us a 'blow by blow' at breaky the following morning after Gerry had gone to work. As you do. With your mates.
A couple of nights later while we were all at home sinking some piss, smoking some bongs, playing console games, watching the footy and generally hanging shit on each other, Phil sidled up to Gerry and unfortunately knowing Thalia and us better than he did Gerald, uttered the line -
"Just think, Thalia's fucked every bloke in the room now."
(, Wed 12 Jun 2013, 7:54, 30 replies)
The harder you you work, the less you are appreciated.Conversely, the more you appreciate your job, the greater the impact if you lose it.
(, Wed 12 Jun 2013, 6:43, 3 replies)
I know who isn't going to win this:www.telegraph.co.uk/news/picturegalleries/10112493/Shed-of-the-year.html
(, Wed 12 Jun 2013, 3:44, 1 reply)
Had a job interview once with the CIABack in the day. They had two possible positions, both concerning Russian weaponry. In the natural order of things I would have become an expert on the details of warheads, missile delivery vehicles, and the like. In other words, the dream job for a 14-year-old. Trouble was, I was no longer 14 years old. Age and education had ruined me for the dream job. Maybe all lives are similar. With age comes maturity, and with maturity comes dotage, and with dotage comes B3ta.
(, Wed 12 Jun 2013, 0:44, 6 replies)
don't drink the mineral water in Scotland..
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Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 11 Jun 2013, 23:30,
10 replies)
This question is now closed.