I was going canoeing with some group or other, and we had to do the preliminary training at an outdoors pool
I was about 14 and a very experienced canoer at this point, so I had little trouble demonstrating that I knew how to do all the turns, bring the canoe to a stop and all the other things the instructor wanted to see before taking us out onto a real river. However, the final test was showing you knew how to deal with a capsize. I knew this pool from old - the water was pumped from at least 500ft underground and was as close to freezing as possible without actually having lumps in it. I said that there was no need for me to capsize, I'd done it loads before and not once had I accidentaaaaaarrggglubglubglubglub

The bastard instructor had reached over and capsized the canoe for me and caught unawares, I'd let go of my paddle, so instead of flipping myself back over I had to get out of the canoe and swim. The cold was breathtaking but worse than that, it was thoroughly emasculating as well. Half an hour later I was in the changing rooms, frantically trying to massage some life back into the shivering flap of skin that was all that was left of my once-proud gentials after they had retreated wholesale back into my body. Wondering if I'd ever see my penis again. And all the while my mum was waiting outside asking if everything was all right, and could we go home now? Even now the memory of it makes me shudder.

I drove past that outdoor pool recently, it's been filled in now.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 10:20, 10 replies)

Short version:
You went canoeing in a pool then had a wank in the shower. :)
(Discocat is bringing sexy back, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 10:27, closed)

Hahaha
if only it had been that much fun :/
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 10:33, closed)

I went on an introductary sailing course when I was 16
and afterwards had a wank in the shower. It was brilliant.

I am not sure why I feel the need to tell you this. You must have a trustworthy face.
(Discocat is bringing sexy back, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 10:57, closed)

There was a guy who got taken to court accused of interfering sexually with a dolphin
No, really, this isn't a set-up for a gag.

Part of his defence was that, in the North Sea, it would have been impossible to do what he was being accused of, given the effect of cold water on his genitals.

The judge agreed, and he was acquitted.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 11:14, closed)

Dolphins still get hard in that cold water through and theyre quite giving partners.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 11:25, closed)

Maybe their
penises have a thick layer of blubber or something.
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 11:34, closed)

I don't know how to put this without it
looking like I'm having a pop at someone, but I'm curious about canoers / kayakers.

They seem to be right up there with vegetarians and people from New York in being unable to conduct any conversation for more than a minute or two without wedging the fact they're canoeists (or vegetarians, or from Noo Yoik) into the conversation.
(username failed moderation, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 11:41, closed)

I don't think I've ever mentioned it on here before
and generally the only time I'd ever talk about it is when I've met someone else who has told me they like canoeing

but then they would have had to tell me that they like canoeing first, so maybe there's something in it
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 12:24, closed)

I'm generalising, and present company excepted.
But I have seen this a few times.

I shall relate a story though, which isn't directly mine.

We had a futures trader working with us a few years ago, and he was a bit of a lad, in a job that is notorious for wide boys. One of our clients organised a day of kayaking at some white water rafting place.

Apprently they all turned up in jeans and trainers (the place they booked at would supply all the gear), apart from one nerd who appeared in wetsuit, splash jacket, gloves and helmet, carrying his own paddle, and declared he didn't need any instruction, he was an expert kayaker.

Legend has it he rolled over almost immediately he hit the water, cut his forehead open and was carted off to hospital for stitches. The rest of them spent half an hour capsizing, got changed and spent the rest of the day in the bar.
(username failed moderation, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 12:45, closed)

I have 2 different kinds of kayaks.
Kayaking in my world consists of drifting extremely slowly downstream, steering with a paddle only when completely necessary and all the while drinking beer. The key to this is no effort and maximum beer intake.
The life jacket is used as a cushion so numb bum doesn't occur.
I sometimes wear a plastic cowboy hat to complete the serious sportsman image.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Mon 23 Apr 2012, 18:51, closed)