My stag do was a relatively sedate affair.
I'd instructed my best man that the key components were my good mates, good conversations, and getting very drunk. If I want to see a pair of tits I'll either ask Mrs Vagabond or look some up on the internet.

I suggested that, considering what pricks all my friends are, we hold the do somewhere relatively distant from significant civilisation.

Thus he hired a cottage on the outskirts of a lovely little village on the coast of South Devon, in the middle of August.

We went fishing in the morning - he and another friend landed a couple, and then home via various pubs.

As the afternoon developed, we sat by the swimming pool the cottages shared, drank more, and discussed a variety of matters, one of which was terribly high-brow and witty, and then repaired to the local pub to dine.

The way to the pub was through a field, now high with late summer grass, and commanded a wonderful view down to the Atlantic Ocean.

As we walked - I at the head of the column as stag - I needed a slash, and thus stopped for one. My best man saw fit for this to be instruction for the whole column to stop, and in reverence to me, all decided to relieve themselves then and there.

And so we stood - a row of of variously burly, unshaven, drunken idiots - all of us facing the ocean. The warm summer evening sun bathed us, and with our peckers in our hands, we urinated contentedly onto the dry, cracked earth, as a light breeze played through our hair.

There was a wonderful moment of silence, and then - as was fitting and exactly right for such a moment - we all spontaneously broke into a verse of Jerusalem.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:10, 17 replies)

Nice tale, slightly disappointing ending..
There should have been a uboat passing by with German sailors laughing at your willies at the very least.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:27, closed)

I left that bit out - didn't want to seem unpatriotic.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:31, closed)

I thought the end was brilliant
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 12:07, closed)

So did I.
I suppose my attempt to add to it was a little irresponsible on reflection.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 1 Feb 2014, 17:45, closed)

It seems a tad gay.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:37, closed)

Stag dos are rarely anything but.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:44, closed)

I like this.
Sounds about perfect for a stag do.
( .Yeti., Fri 31 Jan 2014, 12:26, closed)

It would have been better if a gust of wind had blown in your face
Some may have even gone in your mouth
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 12:34, closed)

\o/

( ferret -> twitter.com/syfyautocorrect <-, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 13:07, closed)

YES!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 16:33, closed)

It brought a tear to my eye.
This is either cribbed or you do after all have a small spot of humanity
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 14:15, closed)

It's entirely my own, thank you very much indeed, Sir.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 14:20, closed)

I bet when you got to "nor shall my sword sleep in my hand"
you waved your genitals at each other in a suggestive manner
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 15:08, closed)

"nor shall my sword sleep in my hand
HELICOPTERS!
til we have built Jerusalem ..."
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 16:12, closed)

I really hope this isn't lies on the internet, vagabond
for this - truly - is the sort of shizzle on which Empires were built.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 16:11, closed)

Splendid Englishing. 8/10
Would have been 9 if German ramblers were present.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 16:21, closed)

I thought it was brilliant in its original form.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 1 Feb 2014, 17:48, closed)