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This is a question Stags and Hens

Mictoboy asks: Everybody knows that stag and hen parties are a veritable gateway to Hell, and quite the worst thing to happen to anybody full stop. So, tell us what happened.

(, Thu 30 Jan 2014, 16:00)
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My stag do was a relatively sedate affair.
I'd instructed my best man that the key components were my good mates, good conversations, and getting very drunk. If I want to see a pair of tits I'll either ask Mrs Vagabond or look some up on the internet.

I suggested that, considering what pricks all my friends are, we hold the do somewhere relatively distant from significant civilisation.

Thus he hired a cottage on the outskirts of a lovely little village on the coast of South Devon, in the middle of August.

We went fishing in the morning - he and another friend landed a couple, and then home via various pubs.

As the afternoon developed, we sat by the swimming pool the cottages shared, drank more, and discussed a variety of matters, one of which was terribly high-brow and witty, and then repaired to the local pub to dine.

The way to the pub was through a field, now high with late summer grass, and commanded a wonderful view down to the Atlantic Ocean.

As we walked - I at the head of the column as stag - I needed a slash, and thus stopped for one. My best man saw fit for this to be instruction for the whole column to stop, and in reverence to me, all decided to relieve themselves then and there.

And so we stood - a row of of variously burly, unshaven, drunken idiots - all of us facing the ocean. The warm summer evening sun bathed us, and with our peckers in our hands, we urinated contentedly onto the dry, cracked earth, as a light breeze played through our hair.

There was a wonderful moment of silence, and then - as was fitting and exactly right for such a moment - we all spontaneously broke into a verse of Jerusalem.
(, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:10, 17 replies)
Nice tale, slightly disappointing ending..
There should have been a uboat passing by with German sailors laughing at your willies at the very least.
(, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:27, closed)
I left that bit out - didn't want to seem unpatriotic.

(, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:31, closed)

I thought the end was brilliant
(, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 12:07, closed)
So did I.
I suppose my attempt to add to it was a little irresponsible on reflection.
(, Sat 1 Feb 2014, 17:45, closed)
It seems a tad gay.

(, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:37, closed)
Stag dos are rarely anything but.

(, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:44, closed)
I like this.
Sounds about perfect for a stag do.
(, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 12:26, closed)
It would have been better if a gust of wind had blown in your face
Some may have even gone in your mouth
(, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 12:34, closed)

(, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 13:07, closed)

(, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 16:33, closed)
It brought a tear to my eye.
This is either cribbed or you do after all have a small spot of humanity
(, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 14:15, closed)
It's entirely my own, thank you very much indeed, Sir.

(, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 14:20, closed)
I bet when you got to "nor shall my sword sleep in my hand"
you waved your genitals at each other in a suggestive manner
(, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 15:08, closed)
"nor shall my sword sleep in my hand
til we have built Jerusalem ..."
(, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 16:12, closed)
I really hope this isn't lies on the internet, vagabond
for this - truly - is the sort of shizzle on which Empires were built.
(, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 16:11, closed)
Splendid Englishing. 8/10
Would have been 9 if German ramblers were present.
(, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 16:21, closed)
I thought it was brilliant in its original form.

(, Sat 1 Feb 2014, 17:48, closed)

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