i've just been asked to cough up £350 for a hen do
for 2 nights in a cottage in england. they hope this will cover everything, but best bring additional cash in case it isn't. what the fuck is that kitty going towards, pints of unicorn spunk and children's tears?

other than that, nothing exciting. my friends are far too boring/civilised. we had one trip to marbella where the groom's 38 year old sister and bridesmaid was somewhere on the comfortable side of a size 24. she ended up snogging a 21 year old boy, who was clearly just looking for somewhere to spend the night. he wooed her with a bar of dairy milk because "she looked like someone who liked her chocolate".

another occasion we had a cottage in the cotswolds, and the hottest barman you've ever seen in your life came for a couple of hours to teach us how to make cocktails. his girlfriend sat in the car, glowering at us throughout the entire thing - clearly she didn't trust him or us.

and on one classy occasion, we were blowing up cockshaped balloons. i'd done 3, but my friend was still on the same 1. it was enormous. oh the hilarity - mine were pink and hers was brown.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Feb 2014, 9:25, 10 replies)

hahaha balloon cocks.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 4 Feb 2014, 9:31, closed)

i know
it was a classy classy event
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Feb 2014, 10:01, closed)

ehehehe pink.....
eheheheheheheheheh brown!
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 4 Feb 2014, 10:41, closed)

Click for "she looked like someone who liked her chocolate"
Must be some sort of super-cottage.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Tue 4 Feb 2014, 11:03, closed)

Jeez
If I had known about dairy milk bars when I was 21 things would be very very different today.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Tue 4 Feb 2014, 14:19, closed)

I'd gladly stump up the price of a couple of haircuts for a mates stag do.

( Peej, Tue 4 Feb 2014, 14:51, closed)

lol bald

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 4 Feb 2014, 15:20, closed)

oh good lord you are so, so dull.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 8:04, closed)

stop flirting bitch

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 9:55, closed)

You can afford it gingertits, just go easy on the designer sandwiches and gak for a week.
It's not like you pay a mortgage.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 5 Feb 2014, 19:27, closed)