When the missus first moved in with me
she had a bit of a scare. Her period was two weeks late.

To me this wasn't a scare at all- I had a vasectomy 17 years before that, and had it not been successful I certainly would have known it well before this. So I told her, "Don't worry, you're not pregnant."

"But are you sure? My period is absolutely regular. I'm never late."

"Trust me, you're not pregnant. The doctors tested me after the vasectomy, and then I had about ten years of unprotected sex with my wife. I'm shooting blanks."

"But I'm never late! How can you be so sure?"

"Look, I've been sexually active for a very long time since the vasectomy. If there were any chance of me getting someone pregnant it would have happened long ago."

"But are you sure? My period is always regular!"

By this point my patience was starting to wear thin. "Because you'd have better luck getting pregnant by an ear of corn. If you're pregnant, it's not by me."

The temperature dropped a full twenty degrees...

...and no, she still hasn't forgiven me for that one.

It turned out that her cycle had synchronized with that of my teenage daughter.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 4 Nov 2011, 0:30, 7 replies)

Sounds like she was cheating on you.
Otherwise she'd have realised she wasn't pregnant when you explained it to her.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Fri 4 Nov 2011, 2:23, closed)

She didn't have time for that.
We were together every evening, and during the day she taught class or was at home working. Therefore it was a blind panic, and I had to do something drastic to get her to listen to me. So I gave her the verbal equivalent of a dead mackerel across the chops.

Once she calmed down her period hit anyway.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 4 Nov 2011, 2:33, closed)

this isn't creepy or over-sharing at all.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 4 Nov 2011, 3:21, closed)

Maybe they have a very open relationship?
open for the whole world to see?
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Fri 4 Nov 2011, 4:10, closed)

Jaffa.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 4 Nov 2011, 9:35, closed)

more
helpful and witty comments. Well done you
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Fri 4 Nov 2011, 12:59, closed)

I don't think you were tactless
I think she was.
(Captain Skippy pooed in a bag and left it on your doorstep, Sat 5 Nov 2011, 13:34, closed)