Finding Swiss people.
My unusual talent is an ability, almost unerringly, to find Swiss people.

I discovered this talent while I was at school. I had just made a mildly abusive comment about the Swiss - I think that this is justified on the basis that the Swiss are really quite weird. "I'm Swiss," said one of the people with whom I was talking and whom I'd known for several years.
Really?
"Yes."
Oh.

Since then, all I've need to do to find the Swiss person in any room is to make a disparaging remark about Switzerland or its paranoid, wealthy, and obsessively clean citizenry; the Swiss person will be the one standing next to me - possibly the person with whom I had been conversing when the comment was made. Part of me thinks that, owing to some strange phenomenon at CERN, Swiss people are actually created by the things I say.

I'm like a laser-guided St Bernard, with a barrel not of brandy, but conversational awkwardness.

Recently, I've developed a parallel talent with Germans. Not so long ago, I made a poor joke about German Measles and swastikas to someone who turned out to be married to a German... and questioned whether the DDR had really been as bad as all that within earshot of someone who grew up in East Berlin and whose parents had spent time in a Stasi prison.

She wasn't too impressed. But at least she's not Swiss.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 9:42, 10 replies)

This is rather marvellous.
And, to that end, I have enclickenified it.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 12:13, closed)

I'm waiting for a ton of abusive gazzes
from enraged Swiss b3tans...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 12:42, closed)

.
This made me laugh. I was introduced to someone a while ago and I instantly, and inexplicably, started banging on about Russians. I've no idea why, I have nothing against the Russians, I don't know anything about them. But my rant only came to an end when someone told me I was talking to a Russian at that moment.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 12:48, closed)

*click*
I know that clicking replies is pointless, but it's the thought that counts.

And since it's the thought that counts rather than the actual click, *click*.

But you made me laugh, all the same.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 12:52, closed)

This phenomenon is probably caused
by the stinking Norweigans.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 13:33, closed)

Hehe!

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 13:36, closed)

I'm German
and I felt I had to read this post. Spooky indeed.
(zebby wasting irony here on, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 17:41, closed)

One day at school, I walked into class...
...to find the entire classroom unusually quiet. "What's wrong?" I cheerfully bellowed. "Has someone died?"

"Er, yes. Her aunt. Now fuck off."

After that day I was never particularly popular with the young lass whose aunt had died. Never quite worked out why.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 18:05, closed)

I have exactly the same talent, but with lesbians rather than the Swiss.
(dave likes cheese, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 21:13, closed)

I have this exact same talent.
I even managed it last night. Turns out here, we have people who are hell-bent on working in Switzerland, a Swiss workshop techie, a colleague who is half-Swiss and now even a friend's girldfriend is of Swiss descent.
Bloody hard work at time living there, too.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Fri 19 Nov 2010, 23:37, closed)