GCSE French, 1991
We had a rather fat, very lazy and terribly ugly French teacher (Miss Witchall), who's preferred method of 'teaching' was to screen old French movies to terminally bored teenage boys, in the vain hope that we'd pick up the lingo via some kind of absorption process.

Double-French on a Thursday afternoon was a snooze fest. One unintelligble French flick after another. Sometime in 1991, with our GCSE's looming, I'd been kicked out of class for extreme insolence. Witchall had asked me a random question, I gave some vague, wrong answer to which she replied:

'Are you pulling my leg?'

'No,' I answered back, 'I'm pulling your tree-trunk!'

Classic gag aside, I was let back into the class after 30mins of moping around outside. That week's movie had already started. The rest of the class was sleeping through 'Jean de Florettes' (the one that plays the old Stella Artois tune throughout). I found my seat and doodled my way through the remainder of the lesson.

The next week, Miss Witchall was proud to reveal that we would be subjected to the 'bigger and better' sequel of last week's film - the 'marvellous, rave-reviewed Manon des Sources', which she was obviously desperate to see. Great. Another 2hrs of inbred, backward froggies arguing over a piece of land.

The blinds were closed. The film started. Class 4b assumed the position. Heads on desks. Jumpers for pillows. Double-French.

Then it happened. At the same time, each and every member of that classroom had what can only be described as a celestial moment. A moment of collective awakening and understanding. A moment of un-embarrassed, simultaneous lust, as appearing from the interminably dull French countryside, wearing nothing but a harmonica and closely flanked by a wandering deer, was the vision of beauty, sex and dreams that is Emmanuelle Beart.

Those of us that are in touch still talk about that moment. For many of us it remains the only orgasm we've ever achieved without the necessity of touch. In the days before porn on tap, the sheer unexpectedness of her appearance on that mind-numbingly dull Thursday afternoon combined with the utter perfection of Beart's nymph-like exquisite body, caused our 15yr old bodies to react en masse. Brains spoke to groins, hormones exploded and semen was quietly spilt.

We also discovered something else. As our initial rapture descended into muffled giggles, we sheepishly glanced over to Miss Witchall expecting a bollocking, only to find her staring steadfastly at the screen, one hand moving very subtly beneath her skirt.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 11:01, 12 replies)

Quite simply
brilliant!
( SpankyHanky, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 11:13, closed)

Why thank you.

( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 17:31, closed)

Have you seen any of her recent stuff?
I recently saw her in L'Enfer.

Still would.

Oh, and *clicks* for the beautifully told tale
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 11:26, closed)

clicky for
Lesbian teacher who also quietly fwapped along.


Grim, but funny.
( Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 12:18, closed)

but made up.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 12:59, closed)

Wasn't she also
in that film about the artist that goes on for about 5 hours, most of which time she is entirely naked?

La Belle Noiseuse, I think it's called.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 12:23, closed)

www.imdb.com/media/rm3396377344/nm0000322
I think she looks a bit like Leslie Ash
(dancebiscuits, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 13:56, closed)

Leslie Ash?! How dare you.
EB in her prime and the afore mentioned Manon entrance... (SNFW)
sexygirlsandcele.canalblog.com/images/caps_emmanuelle_beart_manon_des_sources_060108011.jpg
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 17:12, closed)

French art films are great

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 18:10, closed)

Ah, I see
I picked a bad photo obviously...
(dancebiscuits, Mon 9 Nov 2009, 16:01, closed)

This reminds me of a GCSE English lesson
end of term so our teacher put on a film. Some Charlie Chaplin thing.

Our teacher was called Julian and was one of those people who can't pronounce the word theatre properly.

We looked over at him at one point and he was sat stroking his desk, staring intently at the screen...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Sun 8 Nov 2009, 21:38, closed)

Hehehe!
Me likes this one.
(Queen of the Harpies, a dedicated Marshmallow puppet, Sun 8 Nov 2009, 22:54, closed)