Tesco Bastards
Last week, I was going down to the supermarket after Sixth Form to get some shopping for the weekend. So I went in, and picked up my usual: Findus Crispy Pancakes, Tissues, E45 lotion for my rash, 4 cans of Scrumpy, Empire Magazine, and a packet of Scotch Eggs.

Anyway, I got to the counter, and the girl tried to stop me: 'Sir, this is 5 items or less, and you've got 6.'

I said 'Look, love, you need to understand that this is how I roll. I don't even know what the rules are!'

She must have grasped, at that moment, the kind of no-nonsense, bend-for-nobody man I am, because she spontaneously orgasmed so hard that she FAINTED!

The Manager came over to try and stop me leaving, but I just knocked her out.

Then I put on Ace of Spades on my iPod and walked out of the shop, with everyone watching me, and not having paid.

Take that, Tesco. I didn't even have any ID on me for the cider...
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 9:43, 9 replies)

This
leaves a pleasant taste of Accord exhaust in the mouth.

Frankly she deserved it for not saying "5 items or fewer".
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 9:48, closed)

Yeah
I was going to write them an angry letter about that, too, but I didn't want to give away my identity so they could come and get me
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 9:51, closed)

You
could always have signed it "The Masked AHonda".
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 10:01, closed)

Anti-click
no ninjas - nice use of the honda though
(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 10:03, closed)

There's actually no mention of Hondas
I just managed to trick you into thinking there was by writing a typical Honda Accord post.

I'm like a QOTW Derren Brown...
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 10:09, closed)

Fuck me, you're good

(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 10:19, closed)

I am of course refering to the "honda" as a subtext for a poorly structured lie
hence nice use of a poorly structured lie.
(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 10:20, closed)

Finally
something worth a click
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 10:56, closed)

That's the way I like it Snowy
I don't want to queue forever!
( Dervel OTBC, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 14:23, closed)