Plod
Some years ago (18 to be precise) I was tootling along in my Mums 2 week old Citroen AX to visit a friend in Nantwich, I wasn't speeding just enjoying the drive.
I get to some lights and wait for them to go to green when plod stops behind me, lights go to green and I nervously drive off (I'd only passed my test a few weeks earlier), I hadn't even got to the other side of the junction when the blue lights came on, I waved acknowledgement and continued until I found somewhere safe to pull over, unfortunately this was a good half a mile up the road which must have incensed the copper somewhat because he stormed out of his car and up to mine and the conversation went something like this.

Cop: Did you not see me flash you to pull over?

Me: that I did, but it's been double yellow lines since you did and they've only just finished back there (in fact his car was still on them)

C: If a traffic officer requests you to stop then you do ok?

M: err, ok then, sorry.

C: Is this your car?

M: No it's my Mums.

C: Are you insured to drive it?

M: Yeah.

(cop goes back to his car to check the details and comes back)

C: Have you been drinking?

M: Yeah.

C: How much have you had?

M: About 3 pints?

C: Right sir, please step out of the car.

M: Okey doke,

blah blah blah

C: keep blowing, keep blowing etc...

C: That's strange, it's coming up as negative, what have you actually had to drink?

M: Coke!

C: (going red with anger) Are you trying to waste police time?

M: Well you're wasting mine! (I was a cheeky cunt back then)

And with that he went back to his car and came back with a tyre depth gauge and proceeded to check every fucking tyre was legal and then went over the whole with a fine tooth comb, not sure what he was hoping to find cause as I said earlier it was only 2 weeks old.

Let me go though, but followed me for the next 6 or so miles to my mates house, I gave him a cheery wave when I pulled into the drive too.


(Kip, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 12:31, 6 replies)

They are cunts!

(waxdart hello., Fri 18 Jun 2010, 13:48, closed)

Oh the wonderfull cheshire police
20 years ago a couple of weeks after passing my test i wasinvolved in a RTA, taken to leighton by ambulance and waiting in casualty with suspeted broken ribs, Nice south cheshire plod decided to breathlize me.
Turns out its kinda hard to blow in the bag and give a negative result (I was inexperienced but not stupid) with 3 fractued ribs.
(Gru being trolled since 1998, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 14:33, closed)

While I do agree with you..
I think if I was that copper and some cheeky cunt in a Citroen of all things said that to me, I'd probably waste as much of his time with ridiculous checks as I could as well...
(syz, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 15:28, closed)

Oh I understood why he did it
just pissed me off for being stopped because I was young in a new car, like if I was gonna nick one it'd not be a fucking Citroen!
(Kip, Fri 18 Jun 2010, 17:44, closed)

Seriously...
"Two pints" - saying that and negating "of Coke/juice/non-alcoholic bevvies" to a cop isn't funny or clever it's just being a prat. They will then breathalyse you, be confused and then angry when you reveal you've been a cunt.

They will then, as I would, do things like try very hard to find fault with your car and then follow you for six miles. At least it wasn't in the US or you'd have been beaten to death.
(MJPerry was crude but clickable at, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 12:56, closed)

Back when i first started driving
I was in a carpark with some friends when the plod came along and started giving us a hard time over some litter which they thought we had dropped

One officer stared at my friend before asking "what have you had?"

To which my friend honestly replied with genuine innocence " Two cheeseburgers"

All our cars got searched....
(Frample Tromwibbler climbs an obstacle like old people fuck, Sat 19 Jun 2010, 19:58, closed)