Pills - a tale of MASSIVE DRUGS and FAIL
... so I was going to Tribal Gathering with a bunch of friends. My mate J was coming, who was a proper little urban cool-guy - a drum n' bass DJ, and genuinely talked like one, even when ordering fish n' chips.

I'd bought five pills for the duration - we were getting there at about 5pm, and knew we wouldn't be back for ... well - a while.

J, meanwhile, with all the inevitability of a princess with an Egyptian boyfriend having a car accident, had decided to bring a lot of pills, in order to deal some on arrival. Most of these he had stashed up his arse, but he'd kept his personal stash seperarate.

As we approached the gate, I noticed that they weren't just searching randoms, they were searching everyone, and there appeared to be a few dogs around too.

Being naiive, stupid, and not a little ugly, I asked J for his advice, to which he responded by handing me a roll of tape and telling me "Strap 'em to your bollocks - that's what I've done".

Off I toddled behind a hedge, and performed this task, and consequently whizzed through security like a breeze.

That left me in the position of now needing to get said pills, and thus I found a portaloo, and spent an excruciating 10 minutes extracting them.

5 were spent slowly slowly slowly peeling them away from my plums and very nearly crying.

Another 3 were then spent debating with myself as to whether a sudden quick rip would do it, and then a further minute and a half saw me building up the courage, before re-emerging; a changed - and somewhat less hirstute - Vagabond.

On returning to the group, and informing J of my deed, his response was "Nah I said strap 'em to your boxers innit you fuckin' fool ... ", and thus he cemented my position as joke-butt for the rest of the night.

Cracking gig, though.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 22 Jun 2010, 9:28, 10 replies)

Small mercies
At least you didn't stick them up your arse
( rofl harris, Tue 22 Jun 2010, 9:42, closed)

A princess with an Egyptian boyfriend, perhaps?

(Pie of Meat ___°¬¯O¯____\o/_____/\_,____Y¯¯Y, Tue 22 Jun 2010, 9:56, closed)

Racist.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 22 Jun 2010, 9:58, closed)

It's true.
I much prefer the London Marathon to the Great Northern Run.
(Pie of Meat ___°¬¯O¯____\o/_____/\_,____Y¯¯Y, Tue 22 Jun 2010, 10:00, closed)

Stout fellow.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 22 Jun 2010, 10:15, closed)

I love
your sig.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 22 Jun 2010, 11:31, closed)

er
I read drugs, tribal gathering and drum n'bass and decided to stop reading there.
(Panda_z is sweating like a chav in dixons, Tue 22 Jun 2010, 12:06, closed)

,.. and then bothered typing a reply.
Cool.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 22 Jun 2010, 12:09, closed)

and...
also a response to a reply to a reply, so nah!
(Panda_z is sweating like a chav in dixons, Tue 22 Jun 2010, 17:23, closed)

You should have stuck them to your man
not your bollox.
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Tue 22 Jun 2010, 18:56, closed)

Or your nan
They'd never have searched her.

Could have been nasty if he'd used some ferocious gaffa tape, he could have ended up like this plum :
www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3017351/Brazilian-nearly-cost-me-my-nuts.html
(Rsoles, Tue 22 Jun 2010, 19:59, closed)