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This is a question Kids say the shittiest things

Smudge the Demon asks: Have your kids - or anyone else's - come out with something that provoked extreme laughter, embarrassment, fear or outrage? Tell us your little darlings' memorable sayings. It's like Take a Break's letters page, only with more swearing

(, Thu 23 May 2013, 15:28)
Pages: Popular, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

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People who say 'pearoast' are cunts.
I watch football at a small local non-league ground with my dad, a number of his mates and various hangers on.
A few years back,one of the lads, Terry, brings along his youngest son who was the tender age of 7.

The boy was carefully briefed as to the fact that as he was big enough to go to football he was big enough to understand that there would quite likely be LOTS of naughty words being shouted at players and, most likely, the referee and linesmen, and would he mind NOT repeating any of these words in mummy's earshot?

Match gets underway and it's evident fairly early on t hat the ref is having a shocker. Fouls are given when there's no foul to be seen, offsides not called when the man is far forward enough to be able to shake hands with the goalie, free kicks awarded nowhere near the offence and throw-ins awarded to the wrong teams. In short, he's fucking shit, but with an even-handedness which is both admirable, yet astonishing.
Unsurprisingly as a result the game is somewhat poor with frequent interruptions to play and both sets of supporters in the ground were getting somewhat fractious with some rather fruity language, mostly directed at the ref, being heard.

Finally, in the second half, the home team managed to string a few passes together without being stopped by the ref, one of the wingers burst through, delivered a cross which was PUNCHED away and off the field via the right touchline by an opposing defender. The ref blows up and awards a throw-in, rather than the expected and so-obvious-you-could-see-it-from-space penalty.

It's still the one and only time I've seen a football ground in stunned silence without there having been a famous person die in the week preceding the game. A very strange moment, for sure.
So, it was even more surreal when the silence was broken by a little voice piping up with a query of 'can I call him a wanker now daddy?'
(, Sat 25 May 2013, 22:47, 28 replies)

(, Sat 25 May 2013, 23:41, closed)

(, Sun 26 May 2013, 0:53, closed)
What if
it's on an invite to a leguminous barbecue?
(, Sun 26 May 2013, 9:05, closed)
Then they're barbecue cunts.

(, Sun 26 May 2013, 9:32, closed)

(, Mon 27 May 2013, 9:58, closed)

(, Sun 26 May 2013, 7:57, closed)
For someone who writes fuck all stories
& lots of pointless shitty comments.
Maybe you're not at the copypasta stage yet AB.

Just a thought.
(, Sun 26 May 2013, 7:59, closed)
People who say 'copypasta' are child groomers.

(, Sun 26 May 2013, 9:31, closed)
"People who say 'copypasta' are child groomers"
Says the man who is constantly interested in making comments about toys when EMV posts.

Give it up skinny man. I think I hear your missus calling you back to bed.
Or maybe that's a calling - "Nurse!"
(, Sun 26 May 2013, 10:27, closed)
Could you please stop shitposting?

(, Sun 26 May 2013, 10:28, closed)
you seem to have a bit of a thing for AB's wife.
It's pretty creepy.
(, Sun 26 May 2013, 10:29, closed)
Oh look!
The flies are buzzing around the toilet.
(, Sun 26 May 2013, 12:07, closed)
He's got a threeway fantasy involving her and one of Shambles' daughters.

(, Sun 26 May 2013, 18:06, closed)
nah, srsly
He really does have the hots for WW. Maybe he's a fellow chubby chaser.
(, Sun 26 May 2013, 18:54, closed)
Why would a happily married man be making salacious comments about another man's wife?
Next you'll be telling me he trawls online dating websites for victims as well.
(, Sun 26 May 2013, 19:51, closed)
"I think I hear your missus calling you back to bed."
Daily Mail level salaciousness, right here!

PROTIP: if you're not quite sure what a word means but you want to use a big one to make yourself look smart, you should maybe check it in a dictionary first. Just so you don't look like an idiot who doesn't really know a word's meaning.
(, Sun 26 May 2013, 20:22, closed)
you dismal prick

(, Mon 27 May 2013, 15:07, closed)
What's Roger Irrelevent on about here?

(, Sun 26 May 2013, 18:07, closed)
I like comics.
(, Sun 26 May 2013, 20:19, closed)
you helpless knobend

(, Mon 27 May 2013, 15:07, closed)
I'm still struggling to see how someone choosing to work in the healthcare sector is any grounds for criticism.
Or is the joke that, lol, doctors are traditionally men and nurses are traditionally women? I can see how that is pretty hilarious, yeah, you should totally keep saying it.
(, Mon 27 May 2013, 1:40, closed)

(, Mon 27 May 2013, 5:59, closed)
you spastic cunt

(, Mon 27 May 2013, 15:09, closed)
You really are a fucking twat y'know

(, Mon 27 May 2013, 18:01, closed)
haha, great

(, Mon 27 May 2013, 21:47, closed)
Give him a break
this is, like, the one interesting thing that's ever happened to him, he's got to try and get a bit of mileage out of it
(, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:45, closed)
I expect you won't have any stories this week, seeing as you're not allowed near kids.

(, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:18, closed)
I sometimes wish I wasn't
Some of my friends with kids use the prospect of a visit to uncle emvee's house as a special treat for when they've been extra good
(, Tue 28 May 2013, 11:05, closed)

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Pages: Popular, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1