ME!
I was a bonza kid, both hilarious and profound.

I remember I was 12 when my old man took to the pub for the first time. I sat at the table while he shuffled to the bar to order his 6 large whiskeys. "What crisps do ya want?" he shouted back to me.

Now, I liked prawn cocktail more then I liked ready salted, and I liked beef more than I liked salt and vinegar, and I liked smoky bacon more than I liked ready salted. Also I liked prawn cocktail less then I liked salt and vinegar and beef less than I liked ready salted and I liked smoky bacon more than I liked salt and vinegar.

So I said "Well as you know father, I like prawn cocktail more then I like ready salted, and I like beef more than I like salt and vinegar, and I like smoky bacon more than I like ready salted. Also I like prawn cocktail less then I like salt and vinegar and beef less than I like ready salted and I like smoky bacon more than I like salt and vinegar, so it should be pretty obvious shouldn't it?!"

The bag of nuts hit me right between the eyes.

Later that day my dad walked out on my mum and was never seen again. I remember him slamming the door and shouting "I can't stand living in the same house as the little bastard anymore!" Which was a strange thing to call my mum as she was such a large lady.
(ringofyre, Mon 27 May 2013, 10:04, 12 replies)

Bonza!
Brigadier.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 27 May 2013, 10:49, closed)

So which ringofire is this?
I've lost track. Is it the spacker?
(McChinaman banned, Mon 27 May 2013, 11:49, closed)

this is the entertaining one.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Mon 27 May 2013, 21:17, closed)

Smoky Bacon?

( MatJ LOOK, Mon 27 May 2013, 21:23, closed)

it a crisp flavour, they probably don't have it up north
www.telegraph.co.uk/foodanddrink/foodanddrinknews/9899046/Real-bacon-to-go-into-smoky-bacon-crisps-but-vegetarians-are-upset.html
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Tue 28 May 2013, 7:30, closed)

Can we keep you and get rid of the other one?
You tell it so much better than he does.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 27 May 2013, 22:03, closed)

FP this now.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 27 May 2013, 23:44, closed)

Best bullying of ROFY EVER.
:D
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 28 May 2013, 11:27, closed)

Wait, is this a ringofyre parody doing an emvee parody?
I think my brain is melting.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 28 May 2013, 13:10, closed)

Dribbling down all over your chin.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 29 May 2013, 0:45, closed)

Thanks for this, I do hope you're here to stay.

( 4Q just lurking, Tue 28 May 2013, 20:33, closed)

Bloody drongo

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Wed 29 May 2013, 16:00, closed)