Good morning my two favourite people!
How are you both?

I had a grey duffle coat, but mine was cool becasue I used to pretend that Slimer from Ghostbusters lived in the pockets, and he'd scare away girls.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:05, 2 replies)

scare away girls?
I imagine you being exactly the same when you were a wee boy - chasing girls and making them look at pictures of your cock.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:06, closed)

Excuse me, young lady
what are you trying to suggest? I don't make anyone look at pictures of my cock, they do it of their own free will. Even al.

Nope, I was a right ugly, unpopular little kid, I only became arrogant when I discovered women's self-lubricating penis recepticles.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:12, closed)

The self lubing bit
is my favourite.
( Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:13, closed)

Me too
If they bottled it, I'd be a very happy man.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:16, closed)

Did you
put realistic ectoplasm in your pockets then?
( Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:10, closed)

Nope, I wish.
He was just imaginary.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:10, closed)

I thought
it tasted saltier than normal ectoplasm
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:11, closed)

How much
normal ectoplasm do you consume in an average day then?
( Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:12, closed)

well,
a healthy couple of teaspoons, usually, but it feels like much more when you've got it in your mouth.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:13, closed)

Ew.
mouth Anus, ears, nostrils and every other orifice you can think of.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:17, closed)

Actually
as an interesting (or disturbing, whichever yuo prefer) side-note. I spluff so often that I can make it so very little comes out, but if I store it up for a few days... well, let's just say we made need to start building an Ark.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:18, closed)

It's definitely
disturbing.

And is that why CHCB is a little hard of hearing, and smelling?
( Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:19, closed)

CHCB smells?
I like to think that the reason CHCB is hard of hearing, and smells, is because of all the dogging she does on building sites.

Those workmen and their massive tools, but she'll never learn.

EDIT and spell definitely correctly, or I'll bust you back down to 26.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:23, closed)

Ninjad
what is 26? and why would I be busted back there?
( Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:26, closed)

You're 27, aren't you?
This weekend I discovered that a good way of punishing my little girl for bad behaviour was to tell her that every time she's naughty, I'll knock a year off her age, and treat her as such. So if she's really naughty she'll end up in a nappy with a bottle, but if she's good I'll treat her like a grown up.

I've got this whole parenting thing mastered.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:29, closed)

Sound like a good plan
sadly, at 26, I was much like I am now.
( Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:31, closed)

That's it
You're down to 25 now Mister.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:33, closed)

24

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:35, closed)

23
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:35, closed)

22

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:35, closed)

21


I'm going to keep counting down until you reply
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:35, closed)

20

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:36, closed)

19

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:36, closed)

18

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:36, closed)

17
That's your drinking privileges gone
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:36, closed)

16

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:37, closed)

Oi!
That's not fair, now i'm a virgin again.

Your parenting sucks.
( Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:38, closed)

Insult me, will you?
Right, that's you busted down to 15.

*RAPES*

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:44, closed)

You didn't shout SURPRISE!
you're a bad man.
( Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:50, closed)

SURPRISE
I'm in your colon.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:55, closed)

stop!

( Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:36, closed)

oh
piss wank. Still, I was boozing since the age of 14 and at 17 I still smoked lots of drugs. So that's okay.
( Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:37, closed)

Aww
Damn. I wanted to get you under 16, that way sleeping with you would be twice the thrill.

:C
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:37, closed)

Filthy tart.
There I was, innocently thinking al meant snot. You two are atrocious.

*spaffs*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:14, closed)