Kendra
Though the names have been changed, this is all true.

Kendra. A lass from Germany, two years my senior. She's attractive and tall, with legs that go on forever and an arse that men would go to war over.

She's also a hardcore lesbian. And by that I don't mean she acts in explicit lesbian pornography, but is very much a militant feminist, to the extent of being uneasy around men.

So I'm not quite sure why we're shagging. I'm not particularly attractive, nor particularly womanly - I'm 6 foot 5, broad-chested and regularly wrestle bears with my eyebrows whilst juggling cars with my biceps*.

Yet we are indeed shagging, regularly and enthusiastically.

I remember our first encounter.

Being a gentleman, I imbibed of the furry cup as we began, in accordance of my S.O.P. - Shagging Operational Procedures. I enjoy cunnilingus, and almost all women do as well. Besides, giving the lady an orgasm or three to begin is always a good idea.

In any case, after bringing her to several successive climaxes with my mouth, it became impossible to ignore the restlessness brewing below decks, as it were. In a display of amazingly fortuitous timing, she brushed her long hair away from her eyes and informed me in no uncertain terms that she wanted me to introduce our respective sexual metaphorical representations.

As she is a lesbian, I am only her second male partner, and she has never really been a fan of penetrative sex - though she admits I am rather rapidly changing her opinion on that - and as such our first encounter was only the third time she'd ever had anything betwixt her legs besides tampons and womens' tongues.

Thus, she was indeed tight. Painfully so, in fact. Far be it for me to blow my own trumpet, but I am endowed of above-average girth (if only of average length, alas) and as such the phrase 'taking it slowly' became very literal.

K: "Aaah, God, you're too big!"
DL: "I'm not in yet."

So began a long night of very, very slow movement, exacerbated by the fact that I suffer from Delayed Ejaculation**.

In fact, it took until our third encounter before she was able to accommodate me and properly introduce our pubic foliage.

So there you have it. The tightest person I know***.








*May not be strictly true, though in the wide spectrum of male archetypes I am firmly within the machismo-laden Manly Man section, along with anyone who can lift their own weight, eats red meat and knows how to fix things.

**Essentially Premature Ejaculation's Nemesis. I oft take more than half an hour of action to see a single orgasm. Kendra is the only woman to have ever complained about the fact that our orgasm ratio is in excess of 20:1.

***I'm so sorry. So very, very sorry.
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 16:34, 13 replies)

you mean to say
that I've been sitting here developing slightly more than a semi for a crap pun?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 16:41, closed)

I literally......
pissed myself at that!
(Sir_Digby_Chicken_Caeser [email protected], Mon 27 Oct 2008, 16:44, closed)

Oh please
don't start bandying about words like literally and random unless you are prepared to back them up with cold hard facts.

If you actually expressed urine at the thought of this story I demand to see pictures or it didn't happen.

If not, just say you laughed.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 16:48, closed)

I would but my camera got stole......
quite literally by a man wearing a mask and riding a horse!
(Sir_Digby_Chicken_Caeser [email protected], Mon 27 Oct 2008, 16:59, closed)

I don't believe
a word of it. You will probably fit in well on QOTW.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 17:07, closed)

I'm excited.......
I have always wanted to fit in somewhere!

i'm normally like one of those thingy bobs you give toddlers, you know the shapes where you have to push square things into square things and round things into round things! like the toddler though, i never seem to fit...

boo im quite literally gonna cry in a random puddle of my own piss now
(Sir_Digby_Chicken_Caeser [email protected], Mon 27 Oct 2008, 17:19, closed)

Hell, tell me about it...
I think my cock must be a funny shape or something, I can never fit it into toddlers.
( Cawl, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 17:28, closed)

I've just LITERALLY
thought about pissing myself there, dear boy.

Tres amusant

btw sorry never made bash: clap problems, you know how it is
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 17:50, closed)

*horns*
*un-horns*
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Mon 27 Oct 2008, 17:20, closed)

you made me imagine your penis
I didn't like that
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 17:27, closed)

I was too busy..
imagining the leggy, tight, part-time lesbian.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 17:33, closed)

me too
I used to be one!


Now I am a leggy, tight full time card carrying Dyke... Off to flick my bean now...
( Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 23:28, closed)

Lies
You know you enjoyed it.
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:58, closed)