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This is a question Tightwads

There's saving money, and there's being tight: saving money at the expense of other people, or simply for the miserly hell of it.

Tell us about measures that go beyond simple belt tightening into the realms of Mr Scrooge.

(, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 13:58)
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She fell with a saddening thump
As she stood over the railings, the school yard, looked empty. The singing, the teasing washed over her like a putrid river.
Her bendy legs arched around the gate. The rusty old padlock, while not the most recent technology, certainly did its job and prevented her from falling into the swirling rapids.
"Here comes Paul Proudfoot!" they shouted, as the fledgling teacher lumbered from the old red doors and towards Mary. She was far to busy to even notice him looming in her shadow as she leaped from the walls edge and grasped at the old wire fence, she regained her poise and realised that she had actually done what none of the others had managed. She had crossed the river.
"I'm peeing! I'm peeing!" she yelled as she stepped to and fro, hoisting her apparel into the air.
Shocked the matron watched as she micturated at will. Holding for a moment then, with added gusto firing an arch of golden sunshine all over the petrified others.
"...and I’ll tell you what else!" she boomed, "I'm shitting!, I'm shitting!" she croaked, as she forced a nidorous budgie out of her puckered onion and grabbed it with her enormous dick skinners.
"Take that society!" she wailed, and threw clump after fetid clump of contaminated she-sludge at child and teacher alike.
"Mary Poppins come down from there this instant!" bellowed Mr Arkwright, a man who's frame was intimidating enough not to be trifled with.
"What on earth is the meaning of this you wretched urchin?" his weary face had turned an eloquent shade of violet.
"I shall do as I please!" she warned "I have gone quiet mad as a result of Mr Proudfoot's incessant and often brutal sodomy of myself and my loyal friends" she revealed.
"We know not of what which you do refer too Mary, honest we don't!" shouted all the other children in unison.
“Really?” she queried.
“Honest we don’t” they replied immediately.
"Then perhaps… it was a most peculiar dream, a reoccurring dream, a video taped dream, an oily dream. . . the buggery. the tears, all in my head? Yes! that's it, all in my head!" Mary smiled her million dollar grin and smudged a fresh line of lipstick across her bloated face. Mascara ran from each weepy peeper and into her now gaping maw.
"Chim chimney...chim chimney chim chim cheroo" she wailed...
She fell to her knees and emptied the remains of her bowels into her muddy stockings.
"Buuuurrt? BBBUUURRT!!?"
But Burt didn't come, no one ever came.
Mary's eye's bulged and snapped from side to side, her mouth contorted and her throat began to swell.
She manically gestured to the others for help as the beginning of a behemoth of feces poured from her flapping gullet and onto her hands in front of her.
She wailed at the sky a stream of feculence slopping clump by clump into her cupped hands which mangled the turds like fresh bread.
...or I may have misread the question.
(, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 16:14, 10 replies)
ranks high among the most surreal postings on the QOTW.

(, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 16:26, closed)
i was expecting a pun
didnt get one

wasnt diappointed

(, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 16:32, closed)
you have seriously puzzled my brain
and quite possibly sullied my dreams for weeks to come.
well done, you.

(, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 16:40, closed)
I've just read your previous QOTW answers
and I think I love you.
(, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 16:41, closed)
I love you too
I love you too
(, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 16:54, closed)
you are all of the win,
though I find Mary Poppins terrifying enough as it is.
(, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 16:50, closed)
all of the above
but especially for Weepy Peepers!!
(, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 19:32, closed)
Do you mean micturate?
Or have I really missed the point here?
(, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 9:23, closed)
Bloody spell check.
(, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 9:25, closed)
and no umbrellas
I felt certain she would have done a fly by crapping from a great height by umbrella power.

Woosome and ditto on the surrealism!
(, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 14:47, closed)

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