tightarsed girlfriends
Boss Keloid’s rather good story, reminded me of a tight girlfriend that I had.

It was ironic that the week before our first date, I’d been sat in a black cab chewing the cud with one of London’s finest, when we started talking about dating women.

Yer know what I fink? (No apologies for the cockney accent)

No?

When you staht dahting a girl raight?

Yeah?

What I reckun is vhis. Veh furst date, raight, yer take her aht proper. You treat 'er like a queen and yer spend a lot of mahney. Secund dayt, veh same. If by veh fird dayt, she still aint paid fur nuffin, ditch 'er.

I pondered this little nugget of advice for a few moments and then managed to, of course, completely discard it.

A week later, I go on a date with A. We get on really well, she’s really very hot, has a great figure, is a good laugh and a little bit dirty.

On top of this she has her own very profitable business and a flat that she rents in one of the smartest parts of London. And she doesn’t seem to mind that I’m an impoverished actor.

A Sunday lunchtime date in Chinatown turns into three bottles of wine in the Soho hotel and then Ronnie Scott’s for some live music. I happily paid for everything, although I was slightly surprised that she didn’t offer to buy even a single round.

Over the course of the next five months this woman did not buy me a single item. Not even a pint.

On Valentines day, I sent her two cards – one in the post anonymously and one in person when I saw her that evening, oh and a £60 bunch of flowers and drinks all night. What did she get me? Zip. Squat. Not even a cranberry flavoured cheese wheel.

Then there was the time that she asked me to come round for dinner. Her father was staying as well, and the three of us were going to have a meal together, but since she didn’t have any food in the house, we went down to the local express supermarket – where, you’ve guessed it, she made me pay for everything!

The last straw though was Easter – this is because I am a greedy bastard.

A very greedy bastard.

My weaknesses are Chinese takeaways* and chocolate.

Now in order not to become a totally fat useless bastard I do quite a lot of sport and over Easter I’d been on a training camp in Seville.

Rather bizarrely in Seville during Holy Week everyone dresses up like they’re from the KKK. This predates the KKK apparently, but obviously to the uninitiated looks a trifle bizarre. Anyway, all the bakeries and patisseries in Seville make various Easter goodies including sugar-Klansmen. I, of course, think that these are very amusing and promptly buy A one.

I get back and what’s she got me. Fuck all. And she threw out the sugar-KKK. I never spoke to her again.

So I’m sure there should be some sort of moral to this:

Gents – don’t always dismiss what the fat racist driving your cab tells you, just occasionally they come up with a gem.

Ladies, never, ever come between a man and his chocolate.

(*My Chinese habit makes Jeccy look like an amateur. Honest.)
(sugar_tits, Wed 29 Oct 2008, 18:32, 12 replies)

Me & Mr ex fella
Used to take it in turns to buy drinks each night.

I.E If Id buy the wine Friday, He'd buy the beer for saturday.

happy days
(i should have joined myspace, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 1:31, closed)

sack em off
yeah seriously, a girl doesnt get a third date if she hasn't at least offered to pay for something in either of the first two. thats just the rules, regardless of whether she puts out or not. we're not cash machines.
(deaglun, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 3:45, closed)

5 months?
She must have been one hell of a shag mate.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 8:52, closed)

hmm
enormous breasts
(sugar_tits, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 10:29, closed)

Mr Bob and I
always split everything. We have a joint account, so rent/groceries come out of that. If we're in the pub, we'll buy drinks alternately. Sure, he takes me out for dinner on my birthday, but then, I take him out on his. It's all entirely equal, and I think if I felt that I "owed" him drinks/a meal/whatever, I'd end up resenting him.

I have an ex-colleague who insists that her boyfriend pay for everything. Despite the fact that she herself earns a healthy amount, and the sentiment that *paying for everything is the man's job* is clearly out-dated. He's marrying her, the poor fool. Oh well, they're both staunch Daily Mail readers, so I think they were doomed to be fools from the start.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 10:29, closed)

yeah,
well I think she was also that sort. By that stage I actually couldn't be bothered to argue the case for trying to keep her. She wasn't just tight me, but with her family as well. I think she bought her sister a 21st birthday present costing about £10. Bear in mind that she earnt over 100k a year and employed 2 others.
(sugar_tits, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 10:32, closed)

Bloody women
I don't think it is about somebody being 'tight', I think it harks back to this antiquated idea that women are princesses and should be worshiped and taken care of. These are the girls who demand giant engagement rings.

I've had many friends like this throughout the years - they demand that their date pay for everything even though the date is some poor fetid student and the girl's got a massive bank balance. Then they judge the person on whether or nor they've spent sufficient amount of money on the date.

Forgive me if I'm incorrect, but love, to me, isn't about whether or not somebody bought me some fucking flowers on my date; love is about mutual understanding and enjoying one another's company.

Rant rant rant...
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 11:01, closed)

it's not about big tits either
*not bitter, not bitter at all*
(Binary Solo loves a bit of algebra, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 11:19, closed)

Yes, it is
"Pay for my dinner!" screams I.
"Grow some boobs!" shouts he.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 11:31, closed)

on another note...
she liked to watch Sex and the City before going to bed. Every twunting night. But it's sooooo funny she'd say. And if that isn't enough reason not to put up with someone I don't know what is.
(sugar_tits, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 12:03, closed)

SATC is our revenge for football
:)
(Binary Solo loves a bit of algebra, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 12:08, closed)

My last girlfriend earnt much less than me
it was really really hard to impress upon her that it was fine if I get more rounds in than her.

The girl before that never offered to pay for a single drink, and can fuck right off
(teebie jeebie, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 12:43, closed)