The Government Are Stealing Days
OK, this was a friend of mine who came up with this theory after smoking a few joints. Even though I didn't have any myself, I must also have been slightly stoned as I was agreeing with him...

The Government are stealing days off of us. You know those days when you wake up, and you find you're even more awake than usual? And that you're not the only person who feels like that on that particular day? Well, that's one day stolen off us by the government.

This also explains why the seasons are shifting - it's not global warming, oh no - it's these days that are being stolen from us so when we think it's still January, it's in fact March.

It also explains why you have certain generations of kids (particularly girls; I think my mate was a closet paedophile, but then again, who isn't... (erm, did I just say that?)) are maturing much earlier in their lives than they used to. It's nothing to do with hormones or chemicals in the body, it's because when they're 11 they're in fact 14.

Want to know why you go to bed and it's raining, but the next morning all the roads are dry? Well, that's a day stolen. Similarly, the old adage 'red sky at night, shepherd's delight' - when a night shows the red sky, but the weather the next day is awful, that's because of a day stolen.

When somebody is in hospital in a coma and the next day is suddenly better, or suddenly worse? Another day stolen.

And the reason for the government stealing days off of us?

Well, the best we could come up with was to tangle leads under your desk, to move objects around the house to confuse you, to decharge phone and camera batteries, to have a few days when the opposing MPs, other politians and world leaders could actually be the great friends they in fact are, Osama coming out of his cave to have lunch with Obama and so forth.

It also explains the so called 'Leap Second'. It's when it doesn't go quite right.

It was when we were less stoned that we started to realise a few faults in the theory, but then again, that was the next day...
(richietheg my dad buries dead people. he's an undertaker., Fri 28 Aug 2009, 23:52, 3 replies)

On the subject of maturing early....
www.snopes.com/pregnant/medina.asp

Five years old, gave birth.
(Scritty Bakerman., Sat 29 Aug 2009, 13:52, closed)

That's nothing
There's this little Jewish girl in Paris who started having her periods when she was 3.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 11:39, closed)

Needs more 'Dark City'

(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Sat 29 Aug 2009, 23:33, closed)