Walking a dog
Never have a poo just before taking the dog for a long (2 hours or so) walk, on a warm day.
Your bum will sweat, your arse will chafe so badly it glows, and the resulting stain on your cecks will (a) never come out & (b) smell so offensive you will retch when you sniff it.

I speak with the bitter voice of experience. Again.
(turtles head is touching cloth poked a dwarf on the forehead at, Mon 15 Jan 2007, 8:20, Reply)