Car Keys
You know the little "fuck batteries" that gave car loving cunts (back before they were affordable) the ability to open the car doors at a flick in pocket, if your car is over 6 years old, tell the cunts who charge you a fortune for an service oil change to replace the battery in your key.
( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Tue 4 May 2010, 19:33, 6 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Affordable?
If I want another plipper it'll cost me £90 or so
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 5 May 2010, 12:40, Reply)

Really?
I just replaced my wifes. It cost me £1 for a battery and 10 minutes to reprogram the key to the car.
( Peej, Thu 6 May 2010, 10:16, Reply)

Not a battery
a second plipper and key
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 6 May 2010, 12:30, Reply)

burping machine
if it is a case of the button falling out (which happened to mine) get one of those cheapy burp machines from Wilkos and using some nifty knife skills replace your missing button with the burpy button. Then liberally apply gaffer tape.
If it is the tiny switch under the button, calculators have plenty, using more handy knife skills you can macguyver them into place. Then liberally apply more gaffer tape.
I should really post this to Wikipedia.
P.s. If it's neither of these you're pretty much fucked.
( spingers, Thu 6 May 2010, 12:38, Reply)

I like this business of using "MacGuyver" as a verb.
Mind if I borrow it? I'll be gentle...
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 7 May 2010, 13:30, Reply)

He said "affordable"
not "cheap". I assume your annual disposable income totals at least £90, and therefore you could afford it if you chose to and arranged your priorities accordingly.
(Vlad the Inhaler forgot his password, Wed 26 May 2010, 20:22, Reply)