Ah.. Connie!
Back when I was a juvenile Sparklet, I worked in a city centre burger bar. We served burgers on plates and everything, with waitresses. It was there that I first encountered the lovely Connie.

She was short and always dressed in a good woollen winter coat, even when it was a hot sunny day. And she had an impressive collection of plastic carrier bags. Each bag contained many tatty and mucky looking cuddly toys. Connie also had a large manky looking teddy bear under one arm as she travelled around the city. On the day I met her she announced her arrival shouting "Margaret!!! MARGARET.. WHERE ARE YOU!!"

At this point, the manageress, (named Margaret) whispered "oh deary me it's Connie" and tried to make it to her office before Connie saw her... Too late...

"THERE YOU ARE MARGARET!!" yelled Connie

With a sigh Margaret, a chic, well turned out middle aged lady of (I think) Dutch extraction turned around and mentally wrote off the next ten minutes as Connie took a deep breath, and continued

"MARGARET THATCHER!! YOU WANT ANY CONDOMS MARGARET? I GOT THESE ONES THEY'RE BRILLIANT!" She yelled across the busy cafe She waved a grubby fist, filled indeed with prophylactics, although we didn't want to know how she knew how good they were.
Margaret swallowed, and graciously declined the kind offer.

OK THEN MARGARET!! YOU ARE MARGARET THATCHER, AIN'T YOU?" Connie asked her right up close to where we were both standing. Close enough that I could smell both Connie's Eau de parrafin lamp and Margaret's L'air du Temps..

Margaret half sighed "yes I am Connie, if you want me to be!"

"See I told you she couldn't fool us!" Connie chuckled to her moth-eaten Panda, and went on her merry way...

Two years after this encounter, my Mum stood waiting for my Dad to pick her up after a morning shopping, and Connie appeared behind her, wreathed in smiles..

"GUESS WHAT?" she shouted at my Mum.

"I don't know" My Mum replied

"I'm going to Skeggy*, and THEY'RE ALL COMING WITH ME!!!" yelled Connie in delight!

My Mum tells me that the look of sheer joy on this smelly, grubby and deeply troubled woman's face made her smile for months.

Sadly, we never heard of Connie again after that, I hope she liked Skeggy!

*Skegness, Lincolnshire. Favourite seaside resort for Leicester folk.
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Tue 7 Jul 2009, 14:03, 4 replies)

Maybe she liked Skeggy
Although she would probably be the first person that did.

Bless 'er, she is scrounging for 50p's so she can get the high score on Dance Revolutions or whatever its called in the amusment arcades.

Have a click.
( unsey a frizzy haired fruit since, Tue 7 Jul 2009, 15:03, closed)

.
Did she occassionally wear L'air du Temps, but not today?

f ffff ffffff
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Tue 7 Jul 2009, 15:31, closed)

that was her cousin
Clarice.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 0:36, closed)

I've been to Skeggy.
She'd fit right in.

Have a click.
(WillI'mNot logs in twice a year, every year, Tue 7 Jul 2009, 17:21, closed)