Inverted Canoe of Death
I did a canoe course once when I was a kiddie - early teens I guess. It was in a pool and on about day 2 introduced the idea of "spray-decks" (I think they were called). This was essentially a skirt that you wore and stretched over the opening in the canoe so you could tilt or even roll it without it filling with water.

Now if you went over with a spray-deck on, you we supposed to try to get back over in one of several ways, or failing that dive down and out - only you had to pull a strap attached to the deck to release it so you could slip out.

To train for this life-or-death escape manoeuvre we were each in turn told to tip over our boat. We were then held upside down by the instructor and had to slap the bottom of the boat three times, rip off the spray-deck and emerge, gasping, back into the atmosphere. You can probably see where this is going....

Several people before me performed this task and emerged largely unscathed before it came to my turn. Obediently, I took a breath and rolled over. Everything was fine to start with - I'm pretty comfortable in the water and merrily bashed the bottom of the boat, took my grip on the release-strap and pulled. This, however, it were it all fell apart - or rather it didn't.

Instead of the deck parting neatly from the boat and allowing me down-and-out of my inverted floating coffin, I found my self pinned in by a spray-deck, powerless to escape and being held upside-down by a man who canoed all day for a living and thus had the upper-body strength of a silver-back gorilla.

Rocking up for a breath was not going to work and banging on the bottom of the boat provoked no reaction either - that was what I was supposed to do so I guess they just thought I couldn't count to three. I suppose, after a minute or two, they would eventually have turned me back over to see what the issue was but from my position of subaqua suffocation I didn't fancy chancing to that. So, clawing at the rim of the opening, I eventually dragged an edge of the deck out over the lip, ripped the damn thing off and burst back into air above.

I can only have been trapped for a minute or so, but powerless and head-down in the water it felt a whole lot longer. Right put me off wearing skirts that did (well, except at weekends maybe).
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Thu 6 Mar 2014, 16:21, 9 replies)

So, were you doing it wrong,
or was the equipment faulty?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 6 Mar 2014, 16:25, closed)

Equipment
The strap was supposed to remain attached to the deck which would then part from the boat. What happened was the strap came off in my hand and the deck stayed put.

Actually, I could have condensed the whole dreary story down to those two lines. But then where's the fun in that.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Thu 6 Mar 2014, 16:26, closed)

At least you didn't take a layer of skin off the front of your thighs
On a school holiday we did canoeing and nearly everyone succumbed to the rough edge of the fiberglass when doing this.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 6 Mar 2014, 16:42, closed)

^^^^^^THIS !!!!
Fuck me if canoe's aren't designed for tall people.

Whilst i loved the canoe/kayaking experience, i bloody well hated twating my upper legs on the fibre glass when trying to extricate myself - upside down or otherwise.
( Another_tragic_case wished he hadn't eaten all the cake, Fri 7 Mar 2014, 7:45, closed)

Had to do this in a mucky river.
I once took a spray-deck with me on holiday to use with the rented kayaks on the beach (in Paleokastritsa). The old guy who rented them out wanted to buy it off me to use himself, so I told him only if he'd let me put him through escape drills. Heh heh. He got it right eventually, much to the amusement of his family.
( joefish It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks, Thu 6 Mar 2014, 16:52, closed)

I once got stuck in a standing wave in a tidal estuary
that was lolsome. Apart from the whole nearly drowning to death bit.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 6 Mar 2014, 16:58, closed)

I've forgiven my step-dad a lot.
But I'll never forgive him for deciding that he couldn't be arsed supporting us kids doing anything beyond learning "Eskimo rolls" in a swimming pool.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Thu 6 Mar 2014, 18:18, closed)

No wonder you got into trouble
you weren't in a canoe at all, you were in a kayak.
Your instructor must not have been properly qualified.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Thu 6 Mar 2014, 21:48, closed)

This was nearly 30 years ago....
... all pointy boats were called "canoes" then. The only kayaks around then were made by Mr Kippling.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Fri 7 Mar 2014, 12:01, closed)