I've eaten many a roast with this fellow, even some cheesy peas!
Imbibing? He could fucking do it!
My friend Rich. A fellow who enjoyed a beer or 15.
He could be most eloquent and graceful in both his consumption of alcohol and the often ensuing expulsion of it.
A few of his efforts as examples -

There was the time we were all sitting around a table at the Shents (The Shenton Park Hotel - a now long gone, great, original music venue & our then local) after work one balmy summer evening.
Rich decides it's his shout by deciding to consume the last of the dregs of the jug. From the jug. But now there was a small problem - since we had spent much of the arvo playing "coins" & ibble-dibble and many elbows had been "pointed" Rich's way, his body had reached the point where some volume of fluid would have to be expelled in order to make some room for more. Rich calmly pushes back his chair from the table, leans forward and sends a carrot encrusted yawn to the technicolour gods, between his workboots.
Amidst a mixture of applause and sounds of revulsion Rich smilingly gets up and heads to the bar to to procure some more libations for the group.

Another time Rich & I were staggering home from a similar evening when he felt the pressing need to empty his bladder. Not one who wishes to be inconvenienced by the need to stop moving whilst urinating and despite my protestations Rich unzips himself, flops his dick out and while continuing to walk bow-leggedly, proceeds to piss. All over himself & his shoes. On the footpath. Aside a busy 4 lane highway. In a shopping district. On "late-night" shopping night.

If he was still around I think I'd probably break my hiatus from the demon drink and crack a bottle or 3 with him this arvo. For old times sake.

Please understand gentle reader that these events and many others happened in our late teens and early 20's when a young man's attention to bodily functions and social responsibility are not necessarily honed to the fine point that they hopefully become later on in life.

Cheers.
EDIT: tl;dr? - my friend spewed and pissed on himself whilst drunk in public (amongst other things).
Length? A middy is 285 mL.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 6:02, 54 replies)

all ozzies are lightweights

(alright alright, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 9:08, closed)

The vomiting isn't caused by excessive alcohol consumption
It's because their beer is fucking rancid.
( Muns, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 9:33, closed)

fair point
I probably couldn't hold down a few pints of carbonated sheep piss while looking at ringo's face either
(alright alright, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 9:48, closed)

of carbonated sheep piss while looking at ringo's face
(McChinaman banned, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:59, closed)

Boonie's 52, Not Out!
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 10:16, closed)

Can you summarise that for me?
I read the first paragraph and almost slipped into a coma.
( Muns, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 10:20, closed)

Got to give kudos where it's due
to the English Education System.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 10:23, closed)

At least we can buy our kids Haribo
without having to make them work for it.
( Muns, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 10:54, closed)

I don't get it.
The only vague idea I have is that you're trying to suggest that in the UK kids are bought lollies but in Oz they are earnt by being abused and thus all Australians are paedophiles.
Whilst I'm sure we have our fair share of pedos, I think you'll find that you are wrong.
Interestingly this is one of the few places on the net where "nonce" jokes are not only ok, they are actively encouraged.

I'd be a bit more concerned about that quite frankly!
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:13, closed)

I think you're reading way too much into what is a throwaway comment.

( Muns, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:25, closed)

Or....
Sarcasm is such a difficult thing to master.
Isn't it?
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:39, closed)

Now you're just being a tool.

( Muns, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:42, closed)

'now'?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:44, closed)

all ozzies are tedious lightweights

(alright alright, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 10:24, closed)

seems to be some lightweight ozzies congratulating each other on supping twenty pints of light beer over the course of a thirty hour flight
i had twenty five pints in about 8 hours on my twenty fifth birthday and you don't see me writing a fucking essay about it
(alright alright, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 10:29, closed)

Definition of a
HARD MAN right here.
Or at least a 25 yo. alcoholic.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:24, closed)

How did you get so fat and knackered looking when you're such a lightweight?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:29, closed)

If your definition of 'twat' is somebody who pukes after a few lagers
then you're including the entire male population of Austwailia.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:12, closed)

It's a good thing that such behaviour would never be tolerated in the UK.
A quick snifter of port before bed is a lairy as we get.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:28, closed)

I watched half an hour of that fly-on-the-wall thing on Newcastle bouncers the other week.
It's properly amazing telly. You can watch yoofs who've sniftered themselves horizontal without risking being hit by a splash of vomit or a stray stiletto.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:39, closed)

"Not leaving the house" is the answer to all life's problems.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:43, closed)

You also don't have to go within 200 miles of Newcastle, which is always a plus.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 13:10, closed)

I like that when I'm logged in this
will be the 1st reply I see.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 11:41, closed)

So, honestly, why log out?
Do actually like reading through the mild invective that a few here like to throw at you?

If yes, take 'em off ignore.
If no, don't read it.

Other people's opinions don't become true simply by being expressed.
( chthonic, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:11, closed)

It's almost as if being ribbed by internet strangers is the only human interaction he gets now that his wife had spent his mum's inheritance and left him.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:14, closed)

You see, that's not ribbing
That's finding someone's trigger and pressing it as hard as possible. There's no love or friendship involved.

Half this board's content is focussed on writing about one person. It's fucking boring and frankly, cleaning it up week after week is starting to raise my hackles.
( chthonic, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:24, closed)

I moderate a few boards.
There are only two accepted successful ways to deal with incessant attention seekers:
a) ban them
b) ban everybody else
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:28, closed)

Or get somebody to code you some working killfile/ignore features, I suppose.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:55, closed)

Well THAT is certainly never going to happen.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 13:07, closed)

Let's face it.
Most people only come here anymore because most messageboards have stopped exactly this sort of childish bullying of online autisms.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 13:18, closed)

c) ban Mary
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:55, closed)

Useful bit of kit in the kitchen, but I fail to see what this has to do with the question.

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 23:48, closed)

Actually.
I don't envy your (I'm guessing) volunteer work.

End of the day, for me I see Ignore2.0 as an empowerment.
I can chose who I wish to see, let alone who I wish to respond to.

If the system is flawed by allowing others as well as me to login and out to post (bear in mind it's not just me doing it) then so be it.
Not my fault, nor yours nor the umpteen others I have on ignore yet who seem to constantly & regularly logout and then in, in order to read my posts and respond to them.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 13:12, closed)

You have been told, by a mod, to stop doing this.
I have been told nothing by any mod before you start, so a 'NO U' response will not work here. Ignore people properly, take them off ignore, or fuck off.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 13:50, closed)

Says the man who has repeatedly broken a cardinal rule of this site by posting my RL details
with seemingly little or no consequence.

To think, some of the things I've been stepped for in comparison.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 1:29, closed)

"mild invective" & "a few"?
Also, maybe in future the mods could make more of an effort to enforce the rules around here.
Particularly in terms of b3tan's personal RL details NOT being freely posted.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:19, closed)

They do.
You just don't get a personal message about it every time.

And again: you are ignoring them. So how come you know everything they are saying? Either take them off ignore or stop logging out to torment yourself.
( chthonic, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 12:26, closed)

Quite.

(McChinaman banned, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 13:04, closed)

He isn't going to do either of those things, top mod Chthonic.
You should just ban him.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 13:06, closed)

Yeah,
since this was the guy who has repeatedly posted my RL details on this board with seemingly no intervention from the mods whatsoever, despite me asking him and them not to, you should totes ban me.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 13:17, closed)

You've just been told to stop logging out or take me off ignore.
Do one, or do one.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 13:24, closed)

Maybe you should.
Since there is no way you could reading this unless you yourself were logging out to read it and then posing whilst logging in.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 13:27, closed)

The difference being I haven't made an active choice to ignore you.
If you put someone on ignore, ignore them and stop being an attention seeking prick.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 13:42, closed)

He's been banned once.
Again ... something most moderated boards can handle with relative ease. Even this place finally managed to deter Boudicca. And Ringo is just a tesco value Bou without the amusing hysterics.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 13:20, closed)

Stepped.
More than once I'll admit, but only ever stepped.

And you my learned friend are surely the latest iteration of an iPhone operating system.
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 13:25, closed)

Can't you just give him his own special personal setting
Wherein he can't see anyones post logged while logged in, and no-one can see his posts whether logged in or out?
( Muns, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 14:01, closed)

Isn't that a rather convoluted way of just banning him?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 14:04, closed)

Not at all.
He can still post, it's just that he's forced to have his own personal ignore 2.0 that works.
( Muns, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 14:10, closed)

Ah. Gotcha.
And then we ban him.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 20 Sep 2013, 15:04, closed)

I
see that you're still reeling 'em in.

It must be like taking sweets from a kid.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 11:14, closed)