King of the Twats
My cousin is a complete and utter twat. He's 38 years old, jobless, lives at home with his mum rent free, and gets away with murder because he's a black man in a predominantly white village. He knows this, and has used it to his advantage ever since he was a little kid.

My aunt is getting on in her years, she's just passed fifty, and she should be starting to think of retiring from her job as a nurse, right? Wrong. My cousin decided they needed more money to do the house up, and so he found her a second job in a nursing home. She's working over fifty hours a week, and my cousin takes her wages right out of her hand. If she refuses, he'll steal it from her. She even keeps her purse on her at all hours to stop him from taking the money she needs for food and rent.

My cousin then uses said money to buy cheap cider. We're talking at least eight bottles a day, and he has no shame at all in admitting that it's his mother's money. He then uses it to buy drugs up in the city, and he'll try and peddle them off on some of the teenagers in the village. He swans around in designer gear while my aunt is stuck with charity shop rejects. He recently got a hair cut that cost him over £200, only to shave it off when the locals laughed at how stupid it looked. (Like someone had dumped hairy spaghetti over his head).

My cousin also has a taste for young girls, anywhere from mid teens to early twenties. He followed a pretty 17 year old from up the road home, and continued to lounge around outside the front of her house until her mother came out and threatened to call the police. He also verbally abused a female ASDA driver who was making a delivery at our house; she came to us in tears, and we knew right off the bat who it was. We told her to report him, and that if she happened to be delivering to us again, that she could pull the van down onto our driveway to avoid him.

He's sexist, by the way. He's happy threatening women, but he gets all defensive and jokey if a man steps in. He's a tall man, and he's very muscular with it, and he'll only pick on women.

Recently my cousin and aunt have had one of their bathrooms redone, and one day, the builder working on it received a call saying that his father had died. He apologised and said he was unable to carry on for the rest of the day, and left. My cousin, my work shy, TWAT of a cousin then called the company to complain. He kept calling, kept complaining, and now that poor man may actually lose his job. This actually makes me so angry I'm shaking right now, my cousin is a complete and UTTER cunt. He knew FULL well the man's father had died, the man APOLOGISED, and yet he still had to go and whine about it to the company.

He constantly comes in the shop threatening to smash the place up, threatening to steal stuff, and yet he's not been banned because he's black. I know this, I work there. He's threatened us on more than one occasion, saying that he's going to follow my co-worker down the road and smash his head in. I happened to be working one time when he said that, and I, shy, awkward person that I am, actually bollocked him for saying something so awful.

I think twat is far too kind a word for him in all honesty. He's a complete cunt and one day he's going to cross the wrong person, and have his fucking head kicked in. He's a nasty, spoilt little brat, and my aunt doesn't help matters by pandering to him, and insisting that we don't like him because he's black. She's alienating herself from the rest of the family as there's only so much we can do to help her. She even came close to shunning my brother because my cousin wasn't invited to his wedding, only the after party.

I stress this part, the actual wedding party WAS very small. It was close friends and intimate family only, none of our other cousins were invited to that part of it, and they were completely happy with that. But cousin acted all put out and complained so much to his aunt that she in turn complained to my dad, who politely told her that if he had it his own way, cousin wouldn't be invited AT ALL.

To top it all off, the cunt didn't even turn up.

Wow, this turned into a rant. In short my cousin is a complete and utter twat, who does twatty things every day of his twatty life.
(Aruu does not put all her trust in root vegetables., Tue 17 Apr 2012, 17:59, 25 replies)

racist.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 18:19, closed)

rapist

( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Tue 17 Apr 2012, 18:42, closed)

papist

(elixir of truth, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 18:55, closed)

Pacist.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 22:32, closed)

Pacers ?
Minty!
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 9:51, closed)

When I read the title 'King of the Twats'
I was expecting some exaggeration,

by the time I got to the end I realised that he is King Twattington himself. I'm actually lost for words. I laughed at the haircut bit - then felt awful knowing that it wasn't even his money he spent on it. What else can I say except that I hope the prick gets his come-uppance very soon.
(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 18:19, closed)

I knew a guy like that who moved to New Mexico to be around other hispanics
He returned to Massachusetts quickly when he realized that other hispanics could care less if he was a hispanic and would settle their dislike with fists and other implements.

He returned to where he was in the minority and could safely complain about the world hating him, not because he was a huge dickhead, but because of his ethnicity.
( BrokenCoccyx doesn't mind if you grope on, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 18:58, closed)

It's nice that they cared at least a bit though.
(MayorBoris, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 7:05, closed)

*couldn't* care less
or was there something he cared less about?
( lucosade is counting down the minutes until, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:46, closed)

The American version of that phrase
Requires a sarcastic tone when saying it. It's actually more linguistically sophisticated than the version we use.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:52, closed)

This pretty much sums up my response...
pogpog.com/v/i-could-care-less-english-psa/
( lucosade is counting down the minutes until, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 15:48, closed)

Maths
I was a young parent, but just turned 50 with a 38yr old son!! blimey!!!
(the_icks has the sweet essence of giraffe, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 19:03, closed)

^Quite.

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 9:56, closed)

12?

(jennymnemonic, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:08, closed)

Where the fuck is
KipperFillets when you need him and his internet ka-ra-te skillz?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 17 Apr 2012, 19:37, closed)

Albert Marshmallow is black?!

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 20:14, closed)

Remind me...
...is he black?
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Tue 17 Apr 2012, 20:38, closed)

You're Ali G's cousin?

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 17 Apr 2012, 22:20, closed)

she's 50, her son is 38
she had him when she was 12?
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Tue 17 Apr 2012, 23:08, closed)

what a tall, well muscled black twat
no really, what a twat.
(technocore, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 0:51, closed)

Well
That's a startling mental image
( Zoroastermouse thinks therefore he am, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 2:20, closed)

Your-aunt-is-a-slag-lol

(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 9:06, closed)

retiring?
at 50?

Posh twat
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 10:31, closed)

Oh well nevermind.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:25, closed)

Why don't you grow a pair
and tell the twat to fuck off once in while?

Call his bluff and see what happens.

Also, I doubt very much he could get someone sacked for taking a day off when their dad died. His employers would listen to the phone call and think "Twat", before saying, "Oh, very sorry sir, we'll have a word." and thinking: "Twat."

So, in a word: MTFU
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 13:46, closed)