Psychic Medium
I know there've been a few stories on here about people who claim to be able to speak to the dead. Some positive, some negative. Well, I had an extraordinary experience with a psychic a few years ago, and I'm going to share it with you only if you promise not to poke holes in it, as I still have strong feelings about it.

There was a group of people around, and the medium was up on a stage. "Okay, I have contacted a spirit," she said. "I'm getting a name. Something that starts with M or N."

Nobody responded, so she went on.

"Or R."

I immediately leapt to my feet, as my dear grandfather's first name started with R. "Robert?" I cried.

"Yes," said the medium. "Okay, I'm getting the impression that Robert is someone you look up to. Possibly an older relative, or teacher..."

"Robert was my grandfather's name!" I exclaimed.

"And I'm getting that your grandfather has passed on?" the medium asked.

"Yes!" I cried, to gasps and applause from the audience.

"Was his death very sudden?" the medium asked.

"No, he suffered for several years," I replied.

"-Because he's telling me that he suffered for quite some time," the medium continued. "I'm getting that your grandfather was a very humorous man. He really was full of life."

"He was a miserable old man when he was alive," I replied. But I was glad to hear that in death, he had finally found happiness.

"He says he's okay now," the medium told me. "He is very happy, and he is proud of you. Okay, over here now. I'm getting a J? G? John. Joe. George..."

Laugh all you want, but you can't answer this: how did she know that my grandfather was happy? How could she find out he was proud of me if she can't really speak to the dead? I rest my case.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 8:28, 18 replies)

'click'
This
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 8:48, closed)

Wow
That's uncanny.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 8:59, closed)

You need to reed Brookmyre!
www.amazon.co.uk/Attack-Unsinkable-Rubber-Christopher-Brookmyre/dp/0349118817/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1215503945&sr=8-1
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 8:59, closed)

Is this posted in irony?
If not, then... no disrespect to you, but you need to watch the South Park episode entitled "The Biggest Douche In The Universe". Many things explained.
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 9:13, closed)

Eurosong has a point
but lol and click if this was a sarky post :)
(Freddles, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 9:26, closed)

@EuroSong
Thats exactly what I was thinking as I was reading this post.

Im sure this is sarcastic. Certinately hope it is anyway :)
(Miggyman, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 9:33, closed)

Well...
Not a word of it is true. I was just throwing together a few cold reading techniques. If it were true, I wouldn't have such a good word-for-word memory of it. It would come out like "She knew my grandfather's name, and she knew that he suffered before he died," without remembering all the blatant misses that she covered up.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 9:34, closed)

@race
I'm amazed that you had to explain yourself.
I thought it was glaringly obvious that you were being sarcastic.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 10:02, closed)

Christ Almighty
How, for even a nanosecond, could anyone other than an utter simpleton think that this was anything other than a complete pisstake?

*despairs for the future of humanity*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 10:08, closed)

I'm with Monty
How gullible can people be?
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 11:03, closed)

How gullible?
Gullible enough to fill spriritualist churches all over the place up to a couple of times a week - mugs.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 11:22, closed)

@Greencloud
Good point well made, I'd say.
(.click, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 11:30, closed)

Monty,
"How, for even a nanosecond, could anyone other than an utter simpleton think that this was anything other than a complete pisstake?"

Correct. Unfortunately, there are enough people out there who don't know about cold reading to give the likes of Sylvia Browne, Doris Stokes, and John Edward a career. The original transcript could have been made verbatim from one of their "readings", they really are that bad.

What's worse, they make millions from this horseshit. There is truly no justice.
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 11:36, closed)

Well I'm glad
that your Gramps is proud of you.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 11:46, closed)

Brilliant!

a sarky-arsed masterclass.

*clicks*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 8 Jul 2008, 12:32, closed)

...but I thought better of you lot!
I'm only too painfully aware that we live in a world of cretins.

Elton John fills stadia, West End musicals sell out night after night, The Da Vinci Code sold in bucketloads - people thought it was factual etc. etc. etc...

These and many other sad facts I have to deal with, and do, on a daily basis. It's B3tards' failure to spot basic satire that saddens me today.

I'm a hyper-critical sarcastic wanker, this I know, but I've always felt at home here, amongst kindred spirits. *EDIT: I'm not calling you all wankers!* Ho hum.

Next Wednesday I shall, bar disaster, become a father for the first time. I pity my daughter for the world of shite into which she will be thrust.

Sorry - bit serious there- err, you SPANNERS!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 13:22, closed)

I really don't think anyone was fooled
The initial reaction seemed to be more like "Well this is probably a joke, but in case he's really that gullible, I won't be too rude." I thought it was a fairly polite response. And that South Park episode is a good one.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 14:59, closed)

B3ta...
..more and more like SomethingAwful every day.
(Shmeg, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 13:18, closed)