The last
time I was subjected to unreasonable cruelty was when someone served cream in my coffee
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 13:38, 1 reply)

Oooh... Shiny.
www.b3ta.com/board/10986742
( Muns, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 13:14, Reply)

I deserved it
When we were teenagers (14/15) my friends and I found a derelict house on a fairly nice street (basketball landed in back yard and noticed nobody home/back windows all broken).

It became the subject of a series of dares as to who would go the furthest into the darkness....resulting in us all ending up in the loft one day where we found candles and some old armchairs.

This became a den, and we would all creep up and basically arse about and chat.

One day me and a mate were late out so missed the bunch all climbing in, for some reason that still escapes me I imagined a hilarious jape.

I walked up to the front door - brayed several times on the massive knocker, opened the letterbox and shouted "I know you're in here and I'm going to fucking kill you!"

Hilarity ensued for the 2 of us outside, "They'll be shitting it" we chuckled, and walked to the rear to share the laughs.

They didn't emerge until 30 minutes or so later - in a huddle, shaking and white faced. We had gotten bored waiting so the laughs had dried up mostly and so they started to explain the banging and shouting...still looking left and right expecting to find owner of voice and his fury.

"oh that was just us"

I got a massive kick in the bollocks off one of the girls
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 12:28, 3 replies)

I intend to continue to post my stories here for a very long time.
Yeah, stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

inb4 - 44,00L pool, fat manatee wife, ute, car-crash, my cunt kid who'll suck literally anything off for a bag of haribo and OkCupid jokes at my expense.

Sorry guys ^that^ was unreasonably cruel.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 25 Jul 2013, 8:32, 42 replies)

FIRST!

(Pob Baredome pm me for pre-teen girl pics, Thu 25 Jul 2013, 7:49, 1 reply)

Shotgun justice
My cousin as mentioned below had in the past bought a BB shotgun. He arrived at my house and presented his fine weapon to me and our group of friends. I asked to see the weapon and advised him of the danger that it represented considering it's firepower and cheap fabrication.

My cousin assured me that he was more than knowledgeable in the use of weapons having spent 6 months in the reserve army in his teenage years. I then pointed the gun at his thigh and shot him in the leg.
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Thu 25 Jul 2013, 1:11, 6 replies)

Mikado Chills
My cousin is the type that, when faced with any challenge, will pour his heart and soul into the task at hand to claim the title victor. It was with this in mind that me and my brother had spiked half a packet of mikados (biscuits with Coconut foam on the sides with jam down the center) with dried chili's.

We proposed the challenge that my brother would finish his half of the packet before him which he readily accepted bragging immediately of his superior biscuit eating skills and prowess. Placing the biscuits in front of each contender the countdown was started and finished with my cousin jamming the entire half pack into his mouth and chewing with a look of absolute smugness, albeit briefly.

The smugness was abruptly ended by gagging, a spray of mikados across the room and a whimpering cousin bolting to the sink. Followed by about a half hour of gentle crying.
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Thu 25 Jul 2013, 1:07, Reply)

I think it's about time the mods put this QOTW topic out of its misery.
this topic
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 17:53, 8 replies)

yes....
twice!
( Zank Frappa Who let the lefties in?, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 16:39, Reply)

I like to take a syringe filled with Deep Heat into Boots
and inject the contents into a random pack of Anusol.
( Muns, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 15:25, 3 replies)

Nothin' more to say.
Very superstitious, the devil's on his way.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 15:12, 1 reply)

I like to smear a little butter on a cat's nose, then watch them trying to find out where the smell is coming from

(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 15:10, 1 reply)

I cut the head off the devil and I throw it at you.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 14:01, 6 replies)

Here on Devil's Island, the final stop for me.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:51, Reply)

I invented vuvuzelas

(McChinaman banned, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:46, 6 replies)

The devil take your stereo and your record collection!

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 11:56, 14 replies)

sometimes the devil in me gets out
and I tell people I love them.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 11:29, 2 replies)

sometimes the angel in me gets out and life is still terrible for other people.
Two ex-lovers have committed suicide. Hope it was nothing that I said.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 9:36, Reply)

There was a boy at my school who was bullied for 5 years, because of the first two words he ever uttered at that school.
Those words were his name, in the first lesson of his first day.

It was agreed that he'd given his name in 'a gay way' and for half a decade all he got all day long was people saying his name back to him in 'a gay way'. He's probably a serial killer by now.

I went to his house once, and decided to make up a lie that when I got round there his dad was wearing burgundy flares. This spread fast, and incredibly despite it being a complete lie I'd accidentally hit on something because he was forced to defend himself which he did, with - 'they're not burgundy, THEY'RE WINE COLOURED'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 9:18, 25 replies)

sometimes the devil in me gets out
& I know it better.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 24 Jul 2013, 8:01, 11 replies)

sometimes the devil in me gets out
and I go on a killing spree.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 7:53, Reply)