I ran over a car
After quite a few pints of Dogbolter, I found myself standing in the street while a (soberish) mate who was going the other way took our friends who lived near him home from the pub in his Metro. We locked eyes, he revved his engine and I gave him the universal signal to "bring it on". He accelerated towards me and I started running towards him. At the crucial moment I jumped, placed one foot on the bonnet and leapt over the car as it sped away beneath me, landing with perfect poise on the other side. It was fucking awesome.

I'd never have tried that shit sober, mind.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 14:31, 32 replies)

hey,
I've got a story involving drinking and cars, and so have you! Wanna be drunk car friends?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 14 Feb 2013, 14:40, closed)

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 14:42, closed)

stop bullying my new car friend drinker.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 14 Feb 2013, 14:43, closed)

That's nothing
One time my mate and I had been drinking. I stood in the road facing his car and nodded at him. With an almighty VROOM the car sped towards me.

With perfect timing and poise I lept into the air, one foot hit the bonnet and the other pushed me off the windscreen into the air.

I kept flying, onwards and upwards, my velocity reached terminal and still on I flew. As I passed over China I could see the hordes of people look up in wonder at the gleaming sky bullet I had become. Eventually I broke loose of this world's grip, and sped off into that dark night.

I now orbit somewhere around Neptune, on a cold night in December, when the light is just right, you too can see me. Twinkling. Eternal.
( Theoban What of it, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 14:44, closed)

That is...just...so...beautiful.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 14 Feb 2013, 14:46, closed)

I came in my pants twice just reading that

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 16 Feb 2013, 8:03, closed)

This to win b3ta.

( Pig Bodine., Fri 15 Feb 2013, 16:28, closed)

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 14:47, closed)

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 14:53, closed)

I think you mean

( Theoban What of it, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 14:55, closed)

Yes! That's exactly what I meant!!

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 14:56, closed)

( Theoban What of it, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 14:58, closed)

Genius.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 14:58, closed)

This to win everything ever.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:04, closed)

Did he then have a go at you for standing on his favourite Transformer?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 14:59, closed)

EDIT: OOps...that was a bit big.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:00, closed)

DO IT

( Theoban What of it, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:02, closed)

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:05, closed)

There...that one's a bit smaller

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:05, closed)

Oh wait a minute
Optimus isn't in his Top 10 Favourites, is he. Ah shame.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:11, closed)

That just used all the remaining space on the internet, put it back.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:03, closed)

I did an image fail :(
I can't Internet.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:05, closed)

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:06, closed)

It was a toy car, that transformed into a robot,
and you shoved it up some poor girl's mimsy.

Am I doing this right?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 14:59, closed)

Almost
You forgot to mention Finsbury Park, skateboarding, balloons or a Yoda mask

4/10, poor effort
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:16, closed)

Ah, well.
It's good to try new things.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:34, closed)

It was one of these wasn't it?



( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:09, closed)

NSFW
www.b3tards.com/u/0fcb2734f07769c5925f/blub.jpg
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 15:13, closed)

In related news, I tried to have sex with a hearse once, when I was drunk. It ended badly.
( cs1ca, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:51, closed)

its a dream, Metro's never accelerated, more of a disappointing cock dribble after looking at 3rd rate porn on dial up internet
(resistanceisfutile, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 16:51, closed)

Ah, you've seen Emvee's website then?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 14 Feb 2013, 18:58, closed)

haha
(◉‿◉)
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 16 Feb 2013, 8:05, closed)