My Wanking DisastersEver been caught by your mum? Or tried to fuck a pillow and got the spongey bits stuck to your bell-end creating a strange new flower? What about the time you man-milked the keyboard causing your PC to short-circuit and knocking out the mains for the whole street? Maybe you're a lady and you were using your mobile phone as a vibrator and accidentally dialed your mother? Tell us your stories and we'll tell the world.
(
rob, Tue 1 Jun 2004, 17:23)
« Go Back
semi-concious wankWhilst on holidays in Spain a combination of cheap cava and sunstroke left me paralytic on the floor of our apartment one night.
Coming to in the early hours, I discovered I was naked and, more disturbingly, was looking after matters in hand.
Now I don't wake up self-flagellating all that often, so I decided to let nature take its course and proceeded to knock one out.
As I was approaching the vinegar strokes I heard a noise in the apartment, a sloth-like shuffle that could only belong to a surly spanish chambermaid.
I was beyond the point of return, so I quickend pace and released an arc of baby gravy over the cold terracota tiles.
The cleaning lady came into the room and found me, sweating and naked on the floor, thankfully with a fairly impressive semi.
She failed to notice the pool of steaming man muck on the floor beside me.
I fell asleep again and awoke mid-afternoon with a stinking hangover, unsure whether the previous nights events had actually happened. My suspicions were confirmed when I was greeted by several maids in the hotel lobby, cackling like witches at the sight of me. My cleaning lady in the centre, leading the pack.
Through their howls of derision though, I could detect and underlying desire within each of them to shag me.
(, Wed 2 Jun 2004, 13:01, Reply)
« Go Back