So many, So very Many.
a) Ex girlfriend who wore away the forehead of her teddy as good catholic girls dont touch themselves 'there'. Got her mum to replace it with a mismatching but pleasant feeling fake furry stuff.
b) Mate in army who was watched wanking by paratroop training staff whilst supposedly doing stag at night. They 'killed' him in up close and personal stylee as he chucked the yoghurt.
c) Walking in on my father seducing himself to 'big breasted action vol II' just after the long overdue collapse of his marriage. We dont speak much.
d) Voicing my concern about a strange smell in the cheap bedsit I moved into when I first arrived in the UK, the landlord said his previous tennant had done a runner a couple of weeks earlier in the summer, leaving bills etc. He had also left a customised calves liver in a hole in the mattress that he had been helping himself get to sleep with.
e) I discovered this wonderful hobby after watching older kids mime the action at each other in the playground. I went home and though 'what a waste of time' for quite a while, but persevered. Protestant work ethic soon paid off, again and again and again. The next two days were awful. My radishlike wang sat sorely in my pants and I cried when I weed.
f) It was not strictly wanking. My (catholic in a) gf was doing the deed whilst I was reading a book in bed on a hot day. She was not putting much effort in, it was more of a curiousity thing. Without warning, I am in agony. Bolting out of bed, I saw a bobby pin protruding from the japs eye of my rapidly shrinking ladyprong. She had wondered 'how deep the hole went'.

apols for length
(I am the infinite monkey!, Wed 2 Jun 2004, 15:48, Reply)