I need to talk
to you about how i'm breaking up with you.

My courage comes from a double Laphroaig without ice or mixer, and yes we will do this walking home - I can't be arsed forking out for a taxi.

No, it's because things have come to an abrupt end. I'm getting tired of things, we've been in a stable and frankly sex-charged relationship for 4 years now.

No, there has only been one other and we (as in you and I) ended that once and for all. I think i just want to be single, i need some time out.

I'm going to a meetup with some folks from my forum, you helped me plan it so i could fox my parents. No, i don't need you to pick me up or anything - i can sort myself out getting home.

Don't worry, when i get back in a few days we can meet up for coffee or somesuch beverage and discuss our issues. No no, there are only /my/ issues.

*cue flight to Leeds, not London*
*cue logistical phone calls to the 'other woman'*
*cue satisfactory end to relationship*

Yes, i was that motherhubbard that uttered 'we need to talk'. And yes, i was lying to her through my teeth. There was, of course, only one other and she had slid to the backburner whilst i'd sorted my own stuff out over a two year period. She'd helped me orchestrate the 'meetup with forum folks' and had helped me plan the whole visit to hers 3 weeks in advance.

By that time i'd cleared my monetary concerns with the then-girlfriend (she owed me 200 buck) and managed to Shanghai most of my gear from her place. All the while plugging her in the furry front and dark star to my own pleasure.

I'll admit, i'm a c*nt. I'll admit, she's happier now with her super-clingy and probably equally as alcoholic new boyfriend.

And me? Well, i'm in love. Have been for nearly 3 years of our two year relationship. And better still, she's not expecting an engagement ring come August.

Why not? Because that'd be giving away the surprise.
(Schumann makes awesome quiches., Wed 25 Apr 2007, 22:56, Reply)