Big Spiderman Shirt
I was 15, he was 16.

We'd been talking for a few months on t'net after my cousin told him I was his type and he was mine etc etc. He said he was 5"9 with broad shoulders, brown hair and green eyes. After talking of life and music, and other such things one talks about at the tender age of 15, we decide that we *must* meet, as we have the most deep and meaningful conversations, via MSN. I ask for a photo, but alas, no scanner/webcam/digital camera etc. Naive and innocent, me thinks fair enough, he's described himself pretty well and my cousin tells me he's quite a nice looking chappy.
We decide to meet in Wolverhampton (ha). We both decide to take friends with us, hell, maybe they can get together too. So we arrange a meeting point. He told me he would be wearing a spiderman shirt, which I thought was a bit sad, but at least I could easily recognise him. Look over to where we're supposed to be meeting and, oh my lord, someone's dressed a big whale with an oversized head in a spiderman shirt. Oh no wait, that is my date for the evening. Splendid. I'm now at this point thinking, broad shoulders is not the same as fat. Then again, fat is not the same as morbidly obese. He looked like a giant movie billboard, with a head. A big spotty head. His friend wasn't much better, and his skinniness was greatly emphasised by fatty patty's flab. Nevertheless, me being a polite young woman decides to go ahead and be friends, because at this point he's already spotted and identified me. We say hello and all that, and he took me to 'Atlantis'. If there's any midlanders reading this, you'll know what an awful place this is. And to top it all off, he announces that 'the blazin squad', in the infancy of their amazing career, are doing a live performance there. On the same night. That I'm going. I really wished for death. This giant deceptive doughboy was enough to make me depressed, but I really did not wish to be alive when he announced this. Somehow, I get through it, we speak about three words to each other all night, and I contemplate escape at every opportunity. Finally, it's over, and we say goodbye, and me and friend go on our merry, merry way. I thank the lord that the terrible experience is over, and curse the internet and my damn cousin for being such utter cunts.

He emailed me two days later saying that I wasn't what he "expected", and that he doesn't think that it would be a good idea to meet up again.

I don't know why, but I was quite upset at the fact that I had been rejected by the big thing in the huge spiderman shirt.

I do often think that it would make a nice children's tent.
(Hanargh, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 23:34, Reply)